Do you ever think why things happen? I don't believe the whole. "everything happens for a reason" bull. There is no reason an 8 year old girl, my little sister should die from an aneurysm. It makes no sense. There is no reason my best friend's niece should have been beaten to death by her father. She was 3 years old. There was no reason for my mother to hate me, when I try so hard to make her happy. Some things have reasons, that I just don't understand, my boyfriend asking out my best friend, my mom getting a puppy when she owes me and my sisters money for over a month of work, or my school, the place I feel safest, most certain, being closed for 3 inches of snow. Why can't I know the reason for at least some things, things I can fix. I want to fix my life. No, I don't. I want to be a kid again. I miss.being an 8 year old. Being able to just be me, act how I wanted, say what I felt, be with my family, before everyone started leaving, before I had to leave DC for Georgia. But I know I can't go back, so I have to let go and focus on the future. I won't like it, but I am weak willed, so I must find a way to make my will strong.

Feb 14, 2014

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  • My brother died when I was 19. I was the one who told my parents and was the only one capable of managing the funeral arrangements.
    People try and find meaning in life and that it's "god's will." I don't buy that fairy tale any more.
    The only thing you can take from a tragedy is the desire to make yourself better and the realization that other things in life are easy after that.
    Before my brother died I was an underachieving student and content to be mediocre. After my brother died I used that as motivation. I worked harder, took chances, and took advantage of opportunities in life. I did far more than I ever would have had he not died.
    You cannot change what happened to your sister and that poor 3 year old girl. You can realize how fragile life is and that you are stronger for what you've been through and life is easy compared to your loss.

    I did struggle with my brother's death in ways I didn't realize until much later. There is a tendency to feel some guilt about being alive. I found it helpful even years later to talk to counselor as part of the heeling process.
    Good luck

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