I act like everything is okay

Nothing is okay. my life is falling apart. i am depressed. suicidal. anorexic. bipolar. i have anxiety. i go home every day crying. wake up every day asking why. why am i still here. and i don't dare tell anyone because i apparently have everything.
everything but happiness.
all i can imagine is my funeral and the shock it would be to everyone.
i don't think it's healthy to fantasize about your death..
but then again, the worst sicknesses are the ones that make you believe you are well.
i want to ask for help, but i don't want help.
being sick is like being home.

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