Fantasize about married male friend.
I have known this man for about fifteen years, about six years ago I felt electricity (literally) when he grabbed my hand to steady me when I was walking in high heels at a mutual friends party. Another time we were playing cards at his house with my husband and his wife, who has been part of my circle of friends for a long time. When picking up the deck to shuffle we both reached for it at the same time and again electric sparks connected our hands, this time he definitely felt it and looked me straight in the eye and raised an eyebrow at me,but said nothing. Months later we were at another friends party, all sitting on bench seats around a long outdoor table, somehow I ended up next to him, with my thigh pressed against his all night. We did not touch in any other way, but nor did he move his leg. He is the kind of hardworking "tradie" (ie builder) that is well respected where we live, he is a funny guy with craggy good looks who clearly adores his three daughters and seems to have a fairly good marriage. His wife is also someone I respect and admire and enjoy her company, I would never want to come between them but I can't stop thinking about him.
I admit we have been fairly flirty over the years, but careful not to be over the top, and sometimes our texts have been flirty too. He built our house extension so we have been in phone and text contact reasonably regularly over the past few years.
There have been chaste pecks on the lips at new years eve parties and one time he even kissed me three times in rapid succession telling me "you have no idea how much I enjoyed working on your house". We all party together which involves abit of drinking and he does say some quite risqué things when we have been drinking but always manages to lose his memory later. We camp together as a group of families every year and I spend every bit of time in his company I can without anyone getting suspicious I hope. It is not that I think he feels the same I do, but there are signs, he has said a few things in particular that make me feel that he is attracted to me, but that could be wishful thinking. I fantasise that we meet up in the laundry room of the park we camp at, and explore each others bodies there and in the showers. I find myself always thinking of all the ways I could taste him, and where, and what it would be like to be f***** by him with his strong wiry body and blue blue eyes.
You might wonder where my husband comes into these fantasies? He doesn't, we were married young and I had more experience than him, he did nothing to learn about improving s** and always wanted the same boring moves over and over and no foreplay or touching outside the bedroom. He was a chef and would often stay away from home most of the night and then sleep half the day with hardly any time for our kids or myself - addicted to weed that seemed to be all that was important to him. We moved towns and he became another person, acting younger and smoking even more. Then he told me he didn't love me any more, found me unattractive (my body changed giving birth to HIS CHILDREN) and wanted someone else. I talked him around, reminding him how I had always been there for him through all his family problems and addiction and had been a good mother and wife and asked him if he found it hard being a responsible father and husband how tough was it going to be for him if he hooked up with this person he thought he was in love with and she wanted children too - he would end up being responsible for two families. Anyway, he came back to me but understandably my self-confidence and trust was shattered. That was 15 years ago, and I feel no guilt if I were to sleep with someone else as my husband shows no interest, my guilt would be toward this mans wife only, although I don't think she appreciates how lucky she is.