I feel my husband is lazy

I know my husband hasn't been able to get the type of job he likes and has had to take jobs that he dislikes. I expect him to put up with it as I do with my job for the sake of supporting the household. I don't feel he has the same sense of responsibility. I often feels he takes advantage of the stability I offer. I resent seeing him stay at home looking for jobs with his legs propped up, laughing at funny things he finds on the internet and otherwise whining about how unhappy he is. I don't like that he holds out for the better jobs- putting it off- when the track record is that they haven't called. He knows he's smart but I wish he would realize that these recruiters do not. All I want for him to do is provide for his family. And if he so has the need to use his mind that he do so in a volunteering capacity. The situation seems unfair. My sense of responsibility does not allow me to look for other jobs especially when I don't feel supported financially by him.

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  • My advise get rif of tv internet phone and say to husband hey we can't afford it your not working that will get his ass out there looking for a job . You have to take stuff away for him to be hurting .

  • It depends on his age and your financial situation. If he is older (35+), it might be better for him to try to get back into a job in which he was previously trained. The hiring process can take a long time. Be patient. If he gets a job far below his training, that will not benefit either of you in the long run. However, if you are struggling to pay rent/mortgage, he should step up and do something, even if it is working temp jobs. If that is the case, we have a desperate situation. Does he have other issues (e.g., depression)? If so, take it easy on him. It sounds like he wants to do the right thing.

  • Men typically define themselves by what they do. So looking for work and not finding anything is downright depressing and emotionally draining. Employers are looking for younger and cheaper and it's so not fair. You work really hard in your career to get to a certain level and pay scale, and anything else just feels like a slap in your face. But as desperate as he may be looking to find a job, some employers can take as long as 3-6 months to fill certain positions. So, I can understand where you're husband is coming from. But I totally see your point. But I think you need to reassess the feeling of "supported financially" aspect. Obviously, people get laid off so this is something that happens and you work through this. You reevaluate the budget. You also can't equate him looking at funny videos and laughing equals him not looking. Because you should be kicking off your shoes too for some equal downtime. But he can contribute in other ways, and that is just as important. If he's at home and looking, then his job can be keeping the house clean, cooking dinner, doing laundry and tending to children if you have any. It's time that you have a serious chit chat with him. But approach him and tell him you understand that the job market is tough, but he needs to lend a hand. You married him for better or worse. This is one of those worse times. You have to stop being so resentful, this will just end badly. Him not working is not forever.

  • Well said for sure

  • This is what gets to me too,why is it that when a woman has a chance to carry a bigger load,she starts to whine and cry about things? Women are getting better paying jobs than men these days and its about time we realize that men are not doing as well getting jobs.Plenty of men are staying home taking care of kids while wives,mothers and gfs work.There are more women in universities than men,more women are getting advanced degrees than men.What does that tell you? I worked very hard while a single dad of two daughters and got them through private schools and now they are finishing college.I had a BA no job,then went and got a MA,looked for a job everywhere for years and never got it.I got tired of sitting around and decided to get an MBA in a healthcare field.By now,my gf was pregnant with a baby,19/18 years after my older ones were born.It has been 6 months since I got that MBA and I don't see a job in site.I have two classes left to get what they call a Sequential MHA from my first MA school and will be done by December.I don't see a job happening and I have two toddler sons,retirement and loans to service.I just want an entry level job in management or administration but cant seem to get it no matter what I do.Other than doctors,I am one of the most educated people in the entire organization I work for and I have one of the least important/paying job.I encouraged my sons mom(we no longer together) to take nursing.She finished the program few months ago and everybody in the city wanted to offer he a job.She now makes a little over $20 an hour,I make way less than that with a punch of great graduate degrees. I tell you all that to show you that things may not always be the way we dream or want.Instead of resenting the guy,find a way to help him land a job.Would you like him to resent you if things were opposite?

  • ....jeez........speaking of whining and crying.

  • While I realize that we're all different and we have our own unique abilities and traits, there's just something about a lazy man that grates on me. It would be bad enough if he were just lazy and single and it didn't affect anyone. But a married lazy man has no excuse. NONE. He should have the drive on his own, but even if he doesn't, he has to realize that, the longer he stays off of a payroll, somebody's payroll, anybody's payroll, the more it's going to look to the world like he's a slacker, and the harder it's going to be for him to get ANY job, much less the one(s) he wants. He should also recognize that you're pulling dead weight (him) every time you leave home for work, and that is going to wear you out soon, if it hasn't already. I wish I could offer you more hope, but this isn't going to get better for you. You have to tell him to start pulling his weight . . . or you'll go out and find somebody who will. Trust me, a hardworking man WANTS a hardworking woman, and so a woman like you can have her pick. You're a very valuable commodity (apologies for adopting business jargon: that's not objectification), and some guy will steal you away from this slug if you give him even half a chance. H***, he'll steal you if you given him even a tenth of one percent of a chance. Either way, you are damn fine and you'll be fine.

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