Do I have depression

I felt like I happy; I was the girl who tried hard in school, was energetic, had friends, had a good relationship with her family, was sociable, and was satisfied with her life. Despite having a father behind prison bars (I love him and frequently visit him), moving frequently due to my mom's unemployment (shes studying for school; were really close since its only me and her), and having my mom's ex get schizophrenia and attempt suicide (he raised me for more than half my life,but now im scared of him due to some unpleasant memories), I overcame everything and was still happy. Of course I had some moments where I needed to cry, but I was positive overall. However, since the middle of my sophmore year, I suddenly didnt feel like chatting with my friends online, stopped volunteering for community service, started hating my family(including mom and dad, everything they do for some reason feels like theyre driving me into a corner), and began to put less effort into school. My mother did get another boyfriend that I dislike, but its not from jealousy or anything like that since shes had many since the schizophrenic one that I did support. This feeling also began before they begun dating. Ive begun losing my appetite and occasionally eat only one meal a day, sleeping more than I need to because I dont feel like dealing with life, ignoring my friends' messages with no care to be involved, stopping to be an organized person, hating school, crying more over stupid things, and hating my family. I feel like sitting in my room watching anime and netflix, drawing, or physically hanging out with friends are the only things that give me enjoyment. Even though I used to have goals and aspirations, I just feel hopeless now. I frequently think about how meaningless my existence is, how effort put into anything wil just be a waste, running away, and when im really frustrated or sad, I do think of how I could kill myself in the least painful way. I dont cut myself or anything like that, but I do break things and slam doors etc. I just wonder if I really do have depression or my hormones are just raging, and I would confess on a website like this instead of getting medical treatment or advice because 1) nobody would believe such a happy girl I used to be would feel like this when nothing terrible has happened to me and 2) im scared of being treated differently than the way I am now, like I dont want anybody to act nicer or anything just because I might have depression. Thanks for reading such a long confession >-< please tell me what you think, and please dont say to talk to the people around me or get medical treatment even though I know that would be better for me (those are the things im trying to avoid)

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