I Cheated

I cheated on my wife this past weekend. I feel horrible. We are friends with another couple and we all drank too much. My wife went to bed and this other woman and I had a few minutes of inappropriate contact before we both realized what we were doing was very, very wrong so I left immediately. My wife saw me leave our guest room and confronted me the next day. She was devastated and I had to be honest with her. She deserved that much. Now my wife doubts our entire marriage and our future and the friendships are ruined with one single, stupid act and. Who can blame her. What a mess we created for no reason. My wife is a good person and we have a great marriage. There was no reason for this to happen. I'm not unhappy, just a complete idiot. Drinking too much and stupid flirting led to disaster in the blink of an eye. I am such a better person than this and I have never touched another woman during our marriage. We were all such good friends and did everything together and I can't undo this. I ruined everything.

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  • First, your premise is entirely incorrect. You didn't cheat. No matter what the moral minority will tell you about "l****** in your heart", you didn't cheat on your wife. Period. Second, you need -- for your own sanity and for the sake of your marriage -- to put a clear and firm end to allowing your wife to use this as a hammer against you. Tell her that you've given her ample time to get this bullshit out of her system, but now it's in the past. Repeat that phrase often: "in the past". Every time your wife starts to b****, what do you say? "That's in the past. I've let it go. Now, you need to let it go." It's over. Third, and finally, tell her that she won't be permitted to speak of that unfortunate but totally harmless incident ever again. Her use of that to manipulate you into contrition or capitulation or concession is O-V-E-R. When she tries to raise it again in the future, you tell her -- repeatedly -- that the next time she brings it up will be the last time. Because if it ever happens again . . . her ass is gone. GONE. Tell her you aren't putting up with any more of her attempts to use a non-issue as ammunition against you. If she wants to stay in the marriage, it has to become a marriage again. Otherwise, it's over. "I'm not living with a b****." That should become your mantra. So help me, if you allow this woman to bully you over something that amounts to nothing, I will find you and kick your ass myself. BE A F****** MAN.

  • Glad you were honest and realised that it was inappropriate before it went all the way. It will take a long time for her to come right and you will need to let anything that seems irrational like checking email, phone etc slide. She needs to weigh up if all the good things, the happiness, love and friendship is worth throwing away over this one mistake. To think about what she would be giving up. It's a hard one.

  • Things happens how you feel about it now. I understand you feel so bad but the only thing you can do is to be honest to your wife. Who says your wife never touched another guy? I should not worry too much and don't confess too much. It happened and it doesn't mean you don't live your wife. Maybe this is the time to say you want a more open relation or more space. These are all life time experiences. What is good and what is bad in life? Who made these rules?

  • Dumb ass

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