He has no idea

I met this guy online. Although, I never thought I'd stay on there for as long as I have, so I went by a secret identity. It always made me uncomfortable for strangers online to know who I am.

This guy is pretty much in love with me, and he dreams of searching the world to find and meet me. He has it all set up in his head how it will go and he's already made it a goal, never once has he asked me if it's what I want.

I care about him. But I don't know how to break it to him that I don't want to meet. So I'm trying to detach myself and grow distant from him in hopes that he will do the same. I know if I tell him, he'll either try to convince me or stop talking since he'd see no point in being friends anymore.

It's awful to say, but he's the one I turn to to talk about my problems. I can't express myself vocally, and when I try to the people in my life, they dont care/listen. It's easier to communicate to a screen that won't give you the pitiful face, especially when the person on the other end does care about you...so I guess that means I'm using him... I don't know what to do though.

I have tried multiple times to warn him that I'm taking advantage of him but he doesn't seem to care or he doesn't believe me.

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  • I'm going to be candid with you -

    You're taking advantage of him and it's not fair. You CANNOT continue this relationship as it is. You have a moral obligation to select one of the three options:

    1) Discontinue the relationship.

    2) Tell him the truth about everything. He may be very upset, but if he's willing to forgive you, it could draw you both incredibly close that you're willing to divulge something so personal. Or there's a possibility it could end badly and he may want to terminate the relationship.

    3) Drift apart. Cease any deep conversations or meaningful interaction. Keep talking to him to a minimum and try to drift away from the relationship to avoid hurting him. I MEAN this one. If you want to drift apart, don't come crawling back because you miss having a nice chat, you have to be serious about discontinuing and not reigniting the old flame. It's like a spark to kerosene, one good conversation can rekindle the relationship to it's previous, unhealthy state.

    This is unfair and it's a violation to him. I don't judge you, I sympathize, but I'm simply stating that this can't go on. Tell him or get out.

    There's no easy option, but the circumstances are unfortunate. Good luck.

  • So this is catfish situation. Your connection was real, but who he thinks you are isn't. Think you just have to be really honest with him and then whatever happens, happens. You say he's the only one you can turn to, but really you're not even being honest with yourself, so how are you truly honest with him? At some point you just take a deep breath, tell him and deal with the outcome. Who knows..maybe he really isn't who he says he is....

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