My first love was 25 years ago. She was the most beautiful looking woman i have ever dated, not that there have been many. I loved her so much it was overwhelming.
I was very shy, a virgin and had a religous upbringing. I was afraid to sleep with her right away. After a few months she just lost it on me, said she was tired of the routine of kissing me good night. Two days later she called and dumped me over the phone. I will never forget the venomous look in her eyes and how she despised me. I didn't kiss another woman for over a decade. I am near 50, have only kissed 3 women since high school and only ever slept with one. I have not been on a date in 5 years.
I loved and cherished women so much but the few moments of joy only inspire false hope and end in years of pain. I just hope I don't live to be too old.