I don't know how to get rid of feelings for him

To make this clear, I know him since junior year (I had a class with him in Advanced Audio Video Production, he was a senior/I was a junior around that year, good times).. I'm 17, male, bisexual (not proud of my sexuality) and I'm not really dating him right now.

Him & I used to date last year (it lasted for 5 months = october 2013 through february 2014), but never went out to places due to how paranoid I can get & afraid to ask my parents (they'll either say "no" or "we'll see" instead of saying "yes", not only this, but my brothers are so concerned about who I hang out/who I talk to at school, nosey much though).

Him & I are still cool/talking, and he's planning on waiting to get back with me until I graduate this year. I don't literary want to go to the same college he goes to (which is far away, different side of town) & I'm applying to the college that's close to my home (not only because of wanting to stay away from him, chances are.. my family & I will move to Floresville, live up the street where my grandparents live at until I graduate this year). He was my very first boyfriend, and on the inside of how I felt.. I didn't felt right & was too paranoid.

I'm the only guy he can ever think of & whenever he sees love everywhere, he can only picture himself & I in love, nobody else. I don't know whether I should feel bad about slowly not have feelings for him no more, I don't know how to tell him without sounding mean, I don't want it to make it into an arguement/fight where it'll lead to him spread rumors to everyone he knows (including my friends & family, even though he's not in high school anymore).

I want him to understand that I just wanted to be friends instead (nothing else).

What annoys me is that sometimes he'll keep on telling me to get out more, see him more often, start being "independent", which currently I can't. I still live under my parent's roof, I don't want my brothers to drive me there to see him & I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility yet. I don't want to go back falling in love with him again, him & I are the opposite, we do have SOME in common, not alot. I'm not ok with it, I'm only ok & comfortable being with someone else who has a lot in common with me.

And for god's sake, he's 18, whenever him & I talk over the phone/text/video chat on Skype.. all we mostly did is talk dirty to each other. (No, I didn't lost my virginity, for those of you who are wondering). How embarrassing.

I never told my whole family about who I went out with before & never planned on to, because they're Christians & extremely homophobic, I'm a Christian too though (and not homophobic). Some people at school found out about it, well.. except for my main best friend, I feel bad for not telling my main best friend about it, although I will come clear & tell the truth (about what I really went through last year) next week (when I go back to school, I'm still having a whole week off due to Thanksgiving).

8 months ago, I almost got caught by my family finding out about me "holding another guy's hand" (which I actually did), here's why.. one of my brother's friends were texting him saying that I was holding some guy's hand, when I got back home around that day, my parents were asking me if I'm gay or not, I told them "no, it was all a rumor spreading that never happened", and they did took what I said this time. Surprised that they didn't have a long conversation with me though, and my older brother did looked at me in a disgusted/mad mood (which it scares me). I can't ever let go of this memory.

After thinking about my whole life (including my future), I'm starting to not feel right & slowly want to get rid of all of my feelings for him, I'm willing to make changes in my life though. Will time heal away all of my feelings for him or should I confess to him that I don't ever want to go back "being with him"? (I'm still terrified that he'll spread rumors soon & make me feel miserable.. I don't want my family to be involved with it, if it happens. My parents do make a big deal out of certain things from time to time).

What should I do? :/

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  • This is truly a loaded question. Lets deal with one thing at a time. First, the person you need to be most honest with is yourself. YOU (and you alone) make the decisions for who you are and who you love, not your family or your friends, or even religion. If you are straight or gay or bisexual, fine. Whatever it is, accept it, embrace it, and move forward. This isn't something that you are going to decide overnight. You may actually already know but are conflicted because of the influences of your family and/or religion dictate how you should or should not be. And maybe where you are in your life (living at home, high school, age, maturity) doesn't really allow you to do so. And that is OKAY. You are still learning and developing and truly coming into your own comes later. As for this guy..you can't have an open and honest relationship with anyone until you can be open and honest with who you are. And right now, this relationship is in hiding. You can't introduce him to your parents, can't hold hands in public etc.That has to hurt. The other guy is out? I'm guessing. So how do you break it off? It may not be possible to be friends right now. But you do have to be honest with him. Your feelings don't just disappear because a relationship ends. Eventually the feelings will subside, but you have to grieve a relationship. It takes time. But it won't help if you are playing games and continuing contact with him. Tell him you're not able to hbe serious with him. It's not fair to him for you to string him along. As for college, yea even if you two were in love and out and open.. where you go to college is because of what it offers academically, not where he is going. That just sounds like a terrible idea all around. A better idea, consider going to a college far from where your family is. It will allow you to gain some much needed independence. Bottomline..It is you who lives your life, not your parents or your brothers. They should love you regardless.

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