The void that wants to be filled
I feel sort of empty. But I don't think it's depression. I don't think it's being insecure having no confidence because I remember what it felt like to be that way, and I can honestly say I've come a long way.. But I keep doing this terrible thing. Where I flirt with guys, maybe I'll even think they have a chance, and then move on. Sometimes I'll tell them I lost interest, but mainly I just stop talking to them and let it take its course. Even worse, I keep talking to men that clearly only see Me as a s** object, I guess it's because I like the attention, but the twisted thing is I just end up feeling s hi t ti e r afterwards. It's like I'm looking for a love I'll never find, because the people who were supposed to love me I.e. my family never did. So what is love? What am I looking for that's left me so messed up I'm messing with others? How do I end this? Maybe it's because it's the only thing right now I have control over in my life right now.. I just don't know. I'm sorry. Nothing justifies purposely toying with others emotions.