I'm really just a child inside
I'm a grown man and outwardly confident, level headed and sociable. But I went through a lot of traumatic things when I was a kid that no one really knows about and they still haunt me to this day. People always come to me for advice and say I'm the voice of reason. But I really feel like a scared little child trapped in a man's body. I have no idea what I'm doing in life and feel completely isolated, alienated and alone. I'm not like other people. I am actually very shy, timid and feel completely helpless but somehow manage to cover it up. I don't have even a quarter of the social and other type of experiences people my age have had. I even have come across as arrogant, conceited and nasty but I'm really just soft and deeply sensitive inside. What I really wish I had was someone to hold me and hug me and let me cry into their shoulder. Sometime to rub my head as I cry and tell me everything will be alright. someone to help me spill my guts out and not judge me. Someone who I could really be myself around. Someone like a big brother or big sister or mother or father figure although I am well past the age when one should need this. I am so lost and empty inside. I am afraid of what the rest of my life will be like. I don't want to be alone forever but I am terrified to get close to people. If anyone knew all the things wrong with me and all my deep dark secrets they would see how pathetic and worthless I truly am. I wish someone could find me, help me and save me.