Guilty and depressed
I know this guy for almost seven years. We were best friends and three years back he said he was in love with me and wants to get married. I did not expect it as I didn't think I actually loved him.I kept saying this won't work out but he kept persuading, he was getting depressed saying he could not imagine me getting married to some other person. This went on for a year and I finally gave in and agreed. He is a very decent guy very caring very sweet very loving. He treats me like a queen. I should be lucky to have someone like that. We told our parents. They did not agree and after trying to convince them for almost a year they finally agreed. This should have been a perfect end for a love story. But my problem started here. I have always had a good emotional connect with him. But somehow I have never felt the physical and intellectual connection happening between us. I just kept convincing myself that emotional connect was the most important thing and it is only important if we both loved each other. And that after our marriage the rest will fall in place. But, just before our wedding was finalised, I met a guy online few months back and we really hit it off. It was as if we knew each other for ages. I haven't felt this way about any guy in my life till now. And I started liking it. He knew I was in a relationship and so he kept his limits initially. I felt a very strong connect with him, in all aspects , somehow I could feel it and I felt that he felt the same way about me. I started texting him continuously ignoring my bf. After a while I realised this is how it felt to be in a perfect relationship. I became more intimate with this new guy in a matter of few months, than I was with my bf for all these years. For the first time, I felt 100% comfortable with a guy. And the idea I had about being in a relationship was all shattered and this made me realise "this is how it should actually be". And before I could realise, I fell in love with this new guy. And it wasn't like he proposed or I proposed. It just happened and the two of us fell in love almost together. I started cheating my bf. I started meeting this new guy. I couldn't stay away from him even for a day. He felt the same way about me. I had to meet him every single day. I hadn't felt this way about my bf. And it made me wonder, all these years was I actually thinking I was in love, but I was not? Now I'm in the most horrible place of my life. Our wedding date is fixed. Both families are happy. I'm still with this new guy. My bf doesn't know. I feel very guilty and I want to break up with my bf because I feel it is not fair. But cancelling my marriage now involves disappointing too many people including my parents who are aging. And honestly even if things come back to normal after breakup, I dont know how my family would react if I say I'm in love with this new guy who is almost four years younger than me. Should I risk my marriage for this? I also feel it is not ok with continuing the marriage either. This new guy wants me to go ahead with the marriage and still cheat my fiancé after marriage. I can't do that. My life would be h***. I feel so guilty for having put myself in this situation and ruining my life and happiness. I don't know what I should do. I feel breaking up with my bf is the best thing to do but I'm scared if something will happen to my parents or his who are getting old and eagerly looking forward to our wedding. I think I should just die. Please help.