I'm a controlling mom

I am and always have been a very controlling mom. I have controlled everything about my son. He is just starting high school at a private school and they sent out a email with first day expectations. In addition to wearing the school uniform and rules about hair cuts there were all sorts of other details like they have to use the school bags not any old bag. They are not allowed to even choose their own locker but be allocated one and even use a lock purchased from the school book shop.

I still buy all his clothes and each day I put out what he is to wear. I have set routines and chores and rules. He has to ask permission to do everything even to go to the bathroom.

I feel guilty and good at different times. Sometimes I feel like easing up on him but then I will meet another family and they will have a rude out of control kid and I think I don't want that.

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  • While it is good that you're refusing to not parent like so many "parents" do these days, uh... ever heard of moderation?! That's going a little too far to the opposite extreme.

    But you're not going to hear that. You're just here to humblebrag and stick your already-elevated nose up at anyone who doesn't applaud you.

    Like someone else said: He'll either be a nonfunctional momma's boy you can order around until you die (after which time he is $crewed as far as living in this world is concerned) or he'll snap and stab your face off one day out of nowhere. Either way, all your "work" will reflect badly on you. Good job!

  • You're,too controlling!! You need to ease up on him a little,he could rebel!
    My mother was the same with me and as soon as I turned 17,I was drinking,going out to parties,clubs and bars underage.Having a great time,sleeping with whomever I wanted.Albeit,with protection and discretion.My parents didn't know and I didn't regret anything.I appeared good and amenable on the surface,but internally I thought and did,as I pleased.I respected my parents enough,not to reveal my secret discretions.Luckily for me,after a year of my secret life,still upholding my good grades and being the epitome,of an angel on the surface,I got most of it,out of my system.
    However,at college and university,I let loose again.What your patents don't know,won't hurt them!!

  • This can go two ways. Either he will go the complete opposite direction, and go bad. Or, he will have a very very hard time adjusting to everything around him when he goes to college. He will be an outcast and people will make fun of him. I am not judging you and I know that you want what's best for him. But have you ever thought about asking him what he wants to do? If he goes on throughout his life, always consulting you about his life decisions, he will never have the chance to make his own. I, personally, think that you should give him some space. By saying this, I mean no disrespect, whatsoever. I am a 15 yeR old girl, and I,believe that the children should be respected as well. He needs the good kind of attention, where you have a conversation, no yelling involved (I'm not saying that you yell at him), again, to see what he wants for himself.And if he doesn't know what he wants, help him through it. With all due respect, give him some space. What would you have done if you were forced to do things you didn't want to do? What if you had no freedom to find out what you were meant to do as a career. I hope this helps. Please let me know your opinion. And once again, let me remind you that I respect your opinion and what you believe, and this is my opinion, and I hope you thi think the same. Good luck.

  • You need to give up control. Think 50 shades of grey. I bet you would c** in your panties if your son slapped you across the face and said from now on the roles are reversed. Then you would have taught him well.

  • I'm the OP. He has never been unsupervised. If ever we go out we either take him with us or get an adult baby sitter.

    About clothes, I do like him in short shorts. He is fit and they make him look nice.

  • You may as well put him in a dress, panties and hi heels, because you already treat him like an emasculated servant....

  • I hope u are hoping to be his wife forever.Whoever she marries is gonna hate his brainless,spineless trained controlled ass and toss him around like dirty underwear.You are raising a weakling,with no decision making capabilities. Simply put,you are abusive to your son and I am happy you are neither my mother,my kids mom or,my wife. Did his dad leave you for another woman?

  • In general, rules and routines are not bad for children. But then there's going to be line to where you've raised a a child who is not confident enough to make his own decisions. He is too dependent on you and that is both unfair and unhealthy. He is entering high school. It's one thing if the school has rules and it's another thing for you to have rules in your home. But for him to ask to go to the bathroom? Really? You may be doing more harm than good. You are either raising a kid that will never leave home because he has been stripped of any life skills to live life on his own..or you're going to raise a kid who is chomping at the bit to get as far away from you as possible. You need to find balance and offer your child the opportunity to thrive and let him make mistakes. Very much doubt your child is rude or out of control. But the truth of the matter, you hope you've instilled in him the best that you can possibly offer. It needs to be up to him to how he conducts himself. Encourage him to grow and thrive. You cannot control everything. You're issues cannot be his. You may need to talk to someone about that and learn how you can let things go.

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