I didn't think I'd ever think these
I didn't think I'd ever think these things about him. We were just friends for the longest time. I admit, like with every guy I came across, if there wasn't a chance for more. But I never had him in that frame of mind for long. But then it all changed. We started talking on the phone... for hours at a time. He is so funny and intelligent and thoughtful. Who wouldn't end up head over heels?
The very bad thing is... he's about 8 years younger than me. I am separated from my husband and I have small children. He is just finishing graduate school and has his whole life ahead of him. And, to complicate things, he's never been in a relationship... a "physical" relationship, that is.
I admit that I never want to be the one to "deflower" him. It would be too much pressure on me. I don't regard myself highly in that respect. Although he did tell me one night over the phone that he had a physical crush on me and if he was ever going to give it up, I was the one he wanted. So maybe I wonder if that isn't what is causing me to begin to feel this way.
I am planning a trip to meet him. No, we've not met in person. Yes, this is an "internet" thing. We've known each other a year and a half now and only in the last couple of weeks has all of this come out into the open. I've been so terribly lonely. My husband is a j*** and I've been lonely in my marriage for years. There is no hope or desire for a reconciliation with my marriage. I've had crushes before on other men but this guy is not really a crush. The past guys have been just glimmers of hope. This guy has the potential to really make me feel loved and appreciated.
But then this brings up another issue.... he does not want to seek love or be in a relationship. Not right now anyway. I do not want to push him nor do I want to force something that isn't there. I respect him but I can't help but wonder.
I hate being a girl. I hate these stupid emotions that build up inside me. If he knew all this was going on in my head, he'd probably turn and run the other way. *sigh* I feel like I should just not discuss us meeting and just leave it a simple online friendship.