I am the girl you see walking with her head down in the hallway, pushed out of the way and yelled at for not moving fast enough. The girl who sits alone at lunch, picking at her food then gazing at the walls. The one who never speaks because she is too afraid of... Well, everything. I have social anxiety disorder, and have been this way most of my life. I am invisible unless I'm in a corner, hyperventilating and going numb from my arms to my legs. I have panic attacks daily, and of course I get bullied for it. I'm the freak. I'm the emo. I'm the f*****. People telling me to go slit my wrists, asking me why I'm shaking. "Are you scared or something?" Laughing at me, staring at me. I talk to no one except for my family, which we don't talk all that much either. My parents pity me, and the rest of my family either wonders what's wrong with me, or is disgusted by the fact that I don't ever really talk to them. They think that I have something against them, or that I'm just rude or stuck up. Well, I'm not. But that's not exactly what I'm here to confess about. The thing is, I do talk to one person. Well, it's not really a person. I assume that you're probably going to crack up with laughter, but I talk to the posters on my bedroom wall. I talk to them for hours on end, and I tell them everything. I laugh, I smile, I cry, and I just let everything out. I share everything with them. I read them the poetry I write and talk about my dreams and fantasies. I talk about my favorite books and movies, and they make me feel really good about myself. Of course that feeling is only temporary, because I feel completely insane afterwards. It's so strange because I actually really care about my posters and consider them my best friend. They listen to me, and I feel as if they're laughing when I laugh and they're wiping away my tears when I cry. I would've probably killed myself if it weren't for my posters. They mean so much to me. God, I am a f****** psycho.

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  • You say your family hardly talks to you but you also say you won't talk yo them. How about you, the one talking to posters, breaks that cycle and start talking to the only people in this world that matter and engage your family. Every parent will always attempt to talk to their kids but only for so long before we begin to think you honestly do not want to talk. The only way is to try and try and try because the first time is going to be hard an awkward. The second time is going to be hard and awkward but more will come out and the more you try, the less hard hard and awkward and the more you will communicate.
    The first few times is going to be a lot of explaining on your part. You need to brung your family to the same level of understaning as you have about you. Wrong things and bad advise will come out but none will be ill intended. Give it a try and don't quit.

  • You touch my heart with your post cause i too was a lonely boy that spent time with my self and imaginary friends. Know this it will get better and your days will be full of happiness. Wish i could give you a big hug and a kiss on your noise and tell you i love you little one. Smile and hug yourself and know you are special. God loves you and so do I......

  • There is absolutely nothing wrong with talking to your posters if that gives you the feeling you need. My daughter was very much like you when she was a teenager. I couldn't believe just how rude cruel some people are. She got through it and is 26 years old in a very good relationship. I suggest talk to a counselor at school or a doctor. Believe me, it will get better. Its a mean world out there be positive.
    I wish you good luck, repost in the future and let us know how you are doing many people care about you.

  • I guess you are young. Anyone who can can see you are having trouble in life is mean for bullying you when you are down. Everyone has problems though some more have bigger ones or more visible ones than others. I was never a bully but some of these people will feel bad about how they reated you when they are older I guarantee you.

    If talking to your posters helps you like an imaginary friend in some way that is okay. I hope you find some real friends too. You will survive this.

  • Hopefully one day they'll regret it, and I hope I find friends too. Thanks so much.

  • What to say? I would love to give you a hug but there is that paradox that that would scare you more. If I could give you advice I would. Just maybe start with a smile and see where you go today. O

  • Thanks a lot. And I'll try to have a good day today.

  • Don't be h****** yourself!

    You just don't trust people, and in today's world who could blame you!

    I pray you'll find a friend/s someday!

    God bless you little one!

  • Thank you so much, that made me feel a little better. And thank you for not judging.

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