And I just left her

Several years back, I started chatting with this chick online, Erin. A few months before I had started dating another girl, I'll call her Dana. After chatting online a few days, it turns out Erin and I know each other via mutual friends. So in my conversations with Erin, she let's me know she has no interest in a relationship and I'm up front with her about my new "relationship" with Dana. Over the days, Erin and I start to engage in some steamy conversations and to make a long story short we end up having s**. Great,steamy, passionate s**. The "I've had a rough two weeks at work and I need a release" kind. Our conversations weren't always about s**, sometimes just us discussing our dating life or just a casual conversation. She always made it clear that we were just friends with benefits and by no means should I expect anything more..as in boyfriend/girlfriend expectations. Which worked great for me.
Meanwhile, Dana is turning into Wifey material. Things are getting serious.
Well one day Dana is out of town on business and Erin calls me up and one thing leads to another and we're laying in a motel room after round 2 of a hot session and my phone rings. It's Dana so I answer it. We chat for a few minutes, then I hang up. I look over at Erin and she's crying. I ask her what's wrong and she insists it's nothing. We get dressed and I leave knowing that I can't see her anymore. That was the last time I saw Erin. The sad part is, I really cared for her, in fact I was falling in love with her. But she had so clearly set the boundaries, I never felt that our relationship would go any further. Dana and I are happily married BTW but I still think about Erin every once in awhile. Am I a DB?

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  • Yes, you're a DB.

    You really have to ask that question when you're banging someone on the side whilst in a relationship? Jesus man, how would you have felt if Dana had been doing that? Total DB.

  • Thanks guys. I just have always felt guilty, and didn't want Erin to feel like I was using her or that we never had a chance.

  • No, you're not a db for thinking about her. You're married, not buried. You're human and everyone has a past even if you're super happy in your present life. Dana also has a past, she probably thinks of some exes and wonders what if too. As for Erin, you were both honest with one another. She told you straight up what she did and didn't want. And maybe it was fear talking or maybe because she knew you were involved with someone it was "safe" for her. She didn't have to be vulnerable or intimate..whatever. The only DBaggy thing..is that you cheated on Dana. But we will let it go because it sounds like you two are happy. You know..if you had dated Erin, it may not have worked out and you may not have met Dana. Things do happen for reasons.

  • No, you absolutely are NOT a DB. It's human nature to wonder what might have been, or to think about the color of the grass on the other side of the fence. Pick your metaphor. You haven't done anything wrong, and aren't doing anything wrong. Erin is the one who should be experiencing regret. She told you what she wanted, and didn't want, and you respected her wishes. You weren't married when the two of you shagged, so Dana has no gripe with you either. I feel sorry for Erin. Best wishes.

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