There is an irony in relationships and

There is an irony in relationships and dating. Most women find it difficult to get their partner to talk about his feelings and complain about this common situation. I am a man who finds no challenge in stating my emotions and explaining how they work, but in my last 2 relationships, my girflriends have become exhausted by me trying to open a 2-way dialogue about feelings.

I have found that being open about feelings (not just insecurities, but positive ones as well) and sharing them even when not asked, has taken a toll on my relationships. It's like the women cannot romantically align themselves with a man who is able to admit his vulnerability-they are more attracted to cockiness and never second-guessing (which is a front that all men put up). I am finding that the second I emotionally detach myself from them, even remotely, their insecurities kick in and they go back to being women, desiring romance, etc.

It hurts me to think that the only way a woman I am with will be attracted to me is to portray an indifferent image of someone who is unaffected by circumstance and someone who is disinterested in romance. All aspects-s**, kissing, cuddling, etc...comes right back when I shut down and appear not to care about anything. It is a catch-22, just like anything else with women, and it is not fair.

I guess I should not look for a best friend in a partner?

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  • those women dont know what they had

  • i tried that best friend thing in high school and it never worked , the minute i let a girl know that i was just attracted to them and wanted to feel them up at Gates Pool in Waterloo , Iowa that is when i started feeling as if " nice guys do finish last. I really think women need heroes not someone they can eat tofu with , they really like the swagger of a guy that is secure , i say tell it to a good friiend or therapist and let the GF theink you are invincible , i feel they are only looking at how to get rid of you , and the ironic thing is if you act like you could careless than , the want you all the more, i say soround yourself with beautiful women , just as a friend and you will see the games began , but have patience and don't play more than you are willing to gamble and lose....

  • Why don't you just tell her that her lack of emotion / affection,etc bothers you.She may not even be aware of her behaviour.Situations like that are not at all uncommon,especially for a couple living together.Maybe it's simply the routine,maybe it's a bit of boredom,maybe she feels suffocated or maybe she wants to initiate everything from time to time.Or maybe it's none of the above and it's something completely different.
    The bottom line is you won't know until you talk to her.
    Why don't you start by showing her what you posted here?

  • ^Sometimes I guess women do not know how to react to an "emotional" guy. . . .but I know that I have been in a relationship for 7 years, and in the beginning we were both very romantic, and emotional about eachother, but since we moved in together (about 2 years ago), most of the "I love you's" go without saying. . .So, IDK, maybe it is HER who is emotionally unavailable, or maybe the intial passion of the realtionship is diminishing (which is not a bad thing).

  • I'm the OP. Thanks for the 2 posts abose.

    Here's the thing...it's not so much about finding the right woman, because I think I already have. The second of 'my last 2 relationships' is still going on and we are very serious (1.5 years and living together). I just feel a lack of emotion and affection from her. Only when I shut down for a couple of hours or days does she put on the charm. It's not fair...it's like I have to put up a front just to be able to get kissed, hugged, or have s**.

  • i wish my boyfriend was able to open up about his feelings, but instead he holds everything inside, and then usually ends up blowing up over something stupid. So, don't change yourself, eventually you will find a woman that appreciates you for who you are. . .like the lady above me!!

  • I'd sure like to meet you :) I've always thought men like you pertain to some "fantasy island".Now,really,leaving all jokes aside,you simply haven't met the "right" kind of women.
    I'm a woman in my 20s and I can honestly say that all my relationships endep precisely because of this lack of comunication and lack of emotional availabilty on the part of my partners.Over- confidence and the entire cockiness facade are such a turn off more often than you'd imagine.True,some women want and expect all that,all the "bad guy" pose,but the thought that this appeals to all of us is merely another idiotic myth.
    So many women dream of a partner that can be their best friend,a good listner,someone unafraid to face his weaknesses and fears and insecurities.It always takes guts to face your true feelings and talk about it and women normally know this.
    Only unresolved psychological issues are likely to make a woman want indiference and emotional distance.It is utterly unnatural to want that.
    You sound honest and dependable and anything but shallow,so just be yourself,without the silly masks that men generally use and the right woman will come along and value all that you are.As far as I think,there is nothing more appealing in a man than openness and honesty,so don't ever change and best of luck :)

  • I got exhausted just trying to read through this four-paragraph whine! No wonder your girlfriends get sick of listening to you!

  • How bout a partner in a best friend?

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