Lack of Trust

I don't trust my boyfriend. I'm not sure why. He hasn't given me a legit reason to not trust him, but I don't, and I know a relationship without trust is "doomed to fail" so I'm worried.

This is my first serious relationship, if that counts. We've been together for 8 months.

He's a really friendly, open person (complete opposite of me. I'm reserved). It just so happens, most of his friends are women, which makes me feel threatened. It doesn't help when we're talking and he'll randomly bring up a scenario he created about him partaking in sexual activities with other women -- real or fake -- just to get a reaction out of me. It makes me wonder if that's what he wants -- An open relationship, but he isn't saying because he doesn't want to lose me... Additionally, I think what really makes it difficult to trust him are the white lies he'll tell me. For example, I'll see him on Facebook whenever we are at home talking on the phone, and I'll ask him what he's doing because he won't be IN the conversation... he always says "Nothing. Just here." Sweetie... I can SEE you on. It makes me wonder if he's talking to someone he shouldn't be... it also makes me wonder what else he could be lying about. Why can't he just give me a clear, truthful answer?

I know that this says more about me than him. I'll admit, I'm not the most confident person and I've been working on building myself up i.e empowering myself. Yet, I still find it difficult to trust him.

Is there anything I can do to stop feeling this way? A part of me is scared to be honest with him because I think he'll eventually -- if not already -- grow tired of my insecurities. On the other hand, if he really cares about me, shouldn't he make an effort to compromise until I feel more comfortable?


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  • I have my husband hand me his phone and laptop most days after dinner and I go through his history. I also found that I log onto google as him and I can see where he has been on a map. He does not know that I can do this.

    I really want to find some spyware so I can see if he has deleted anything from his history. I would also like to find a way to see if he has a second phone.

    I actually love the feeling I get keeping him honest. To be honest I get turned on spying on him. interestingly it is not that I don't trust him. I like him to know that I know everything about him and in a way control him.

  • Yes. Talk to your boyfriend about your concerns. If this doesn't put your concerns at bay, consider getting into therapy so that you can tease out why you feel this way. You may be experiencing some self-doubt or insecurity for whatever reason.

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