She hates me

My teenage step daughter (14) is a little b**** to me. She constantly ignores me and treats me like s***. Tells me she gets mad when I try and disapline her. Tells me she hates how strict I am. I'm losing my mind. She was all excited for me to marry her dad and now, I think she hates the idea. She says she is happy, but she is just trying to wrap her dad tighter around her finger! It's starting to become a problem between us, and I refuse to fight about his kids. I just don't know what to do.

Aug 15, 2015

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  • Uh, surprise... a step is always, always second best.
    if the house was on fire, your spouse would rescue the kid first, not you.
    you're just a tool for a kid "daaaaaamaged by divorrrrrrrce", and at 14 she's playing a full-court game.
    stepkids are the worst. well, second worst to teenage girls.
    i recommend homicide. you'd be doing the world a favor.

  • The first thing to do is make sure that you and her father get on the same page with regards to discipline. That if the daughter does whatever, an appropriate consequence is given. In fact, all of the adults in this girl's life need to get on the same page. The father can't undermine you and you can't undermine him. And secondly.. it's okay if she hates you. You are the step parent, you're not her friend. You have rules in place to protect her. One other idea..when things are calm and everyone is just hanging out, ask the girl if you two can talk. And maybe event he father is there too. And then go over the rules of the house. And make sure she understands them. And understands what happens if she breaks a rule. At the same times you are discussing punishments, talk about rewards..about doing well in school, keeping her room clean, being nice, etc..having her do any assigned chores. Create a reward chart and all the kids have certain chores they must do and at the end of the week they get a certain amount of stars and those stars can equal a reward or a $$ amount. I don't know what you're going to do if your new husband isn't on board with this ... but you may learn you married the wrong guy.

  • The kid's not 5 years old. Stars and stuff like that won't work. As a 14 year old myself I think giving her chores and rewards are a good idea but not star charts, they seem to patronising.

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