I'm married but...

Lately, I’ve been thinking about a guy I briefly dated in high school, very briefly and innocently for that matter. We never kissed and mostly hugged and held hands. I’m 26 now by the way. We re-connected 8 years later when I was 24; by 24 I had really explored my sexual capabilities. From the young innocent 16 year old I was when I dated him. After having talked for months and recently breaking up with my current boyfriend of 2.5 years a month prior, on my 24th birthday exactly I took him by the hand and lead him to my room because he had stopped by for my birthday. I lived by myself in a high-rise apartment near the water. There, I had the most painful, rough, crazy s**, I could have imagined with him. His p**** was bigger than anything I had been with. My innocent high school boyfriend had grown into a 6 foot maybe 6’1 very muscular and tone man. To date he still has the largest p**** I’ve ever been with. Sometimes I wish I could have him one more time in that high rise with the lights out, and the breeze coming through my floor to ceiling windows again. I really wish it would happen. I’m married now; and the man from high school is in the navy off probably pleasing other women so amazingly as he did me. Although we were just friends for quite sometime (he was my hiking and adventure buddy) people often thought we were together and that we made the perfect couple. I’m a 5’5 ex gymnast with a dancers body and he looked like he belonged on the front of an Abercrombie ad. I was in a relationship at the time so instead of coming right out and saying it he hinted multiple times that he wanted to marry a women like me and love a women like me. I wasn’t married yet so we made a pact, if neither of us were married by 30 we would marry each other. He was probably the closest to perfect I could have asked for. Physically he was a god, above and below the waistline. He was caring and loving, but could be viscous and savage if needed. He was naturally protective; the type of person that would jump in front of a large falling rock to prevent harm to the person below him while scaling a steep hiking trail (True story). He loved nature and being out in it. I knew he wanted me to love him back and wanted to be with me but it just never materialized. If I knew what I know now I would have just waited for him. I know till this day without a doubt that if I had not found my now husband I would go find him and confess my feelings; but, that is not how things worked out. I wouldn’t cheat on my husband no, but if he gave me a free pass, just once. That is who I would use it on, my 11th grade boy friend I made a pact with so long ago.

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