I want to abandon my son

My son just turned 10. His father won sole custody 3.5 years ago. I haven't seen him much this past year as his father lives some distance away and I didn't have funds. Anyway, I recently asked the court if I can get a regular visitation schedule if I move an hour and change away from him... Staying with our cousin. I was disappointed that last court visit actually had things that were based in truth, and caused problems for our local family. It turns out he did say things to his attorney. It broke my heart. He actually had a motive in mind as well... To stay over at his grandma's house(my dad's 5th wife of 15 odd years). This was the second slap after learning he'd said these things. Then he tells me he wants to change his last name to hyphenate with his dad's name coming first. Slap number 3. Then I started asking him about things in the past and his memory is starting to go, you know? Like what happens when all kids go from baby to teen. I cried cause he doesn't remember times with me. That's my TKO. The court took him away to begin with, his dad and grandmother seem h*** bent on claiming I'm not the one who raised him... But this grandmother did. Which isn't true. I cried because he doesn't remember when we lived together on our own. He doesn't remember when I was able to care for him to the best of my ability. It's like everyone wants me out of his life. And at this point, the pain, humiliation, alienation, and just my son stuck in this "war," we call a custody case. I'm tired. For what?? He can look me up one day. It's not like I'm vanishing or running away... I just don't want visitation or anything else. It's what everyone wants anyway... Even him. I'm thinking about uprooting my entire life and leaving the only home city I've ever known for this boy. It's too much. What if that's the wrong choice? I'm tired. So why KEEP fighting? PLEASE advise, and comment. I don't know what to do.

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  • I am a guy and just got home from work,after stopping at lawyer's office to sign my final custody order,which will be filed next week.I have fought for shared custody of my sons for last 6 years. Mother wanted children by me but secretly did not want me to have anything to do with them. She tricked me into taking them outside the US(for a brief stay) then left me. I realized what was going on and got a court order and got the kids returned to the US. The bottom line is,there are parents who like to alienate the children from the other parent.It wears one parent down to a point of giving up;hang in there,never give up. Do the best you can. My older daughters' mom gave up because I got custody in the 90s. My daughters are now grown married women,they have no mother daughter relationship at all,ZERO.She never made an effort because she did not get the custody,I begged her to contribute,she refused. I tell you all that to show you that giving up has bad consequences. Keep seeking visitation and loving your son. Best of luck.

  • Your son needs you. You completely alienating him would do even more harm. Keep doing what you're doing. Stay in contact. Create new memories. Don't relive the past. Not sure why his father has custody, but your son's memories could be selective. Keep bettering yourself. Be the bigger person in this situation. Maybe seek out a better lawyer or find out what you have to do to gain more visitation. Or even more contact..ie calls, facetime..etc. Do not give up on your son. You are his mother. No one else holds that role.

  • ^ completely agree ^

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