I want to abandon my son
My son just turned 10. His father won sole custody 3.5 years ago. I haven't seen him much this past year as his father lives some distance away and I didn't have funds. Anyway, I recently asked the court if I can get a regular visitation schedule if I move an hour and change away from him... Staying with our cousin. I was disappointed that last court visit actually had things that were based in truth, and caused problems for our local family. It turns out he did say things to his attorney. It broke my heart. He actually had a motive in mind as well... To stay over at his grandma's house(my dad's 5th wife of 15 odd years). This was the second slap after learning he'd said these things. Then he tells me he wants to change his last name to hyphenate with his dad's name coming first. Slap number 3. Then I started asking him about things in the past and his memory is starting to go, you know? Like what happens when all kids go from baby to teen. I cried cause he doesn't remember times with me. That's my TKO. The court took him away to begin with, his dad and grandmother seem h*** bent on claiming I'm not the one who raised him... But this grandmother did. Which isn't true. I cried because he doesn't remember when we lived together on our own. He doesn't remember when I was able to care for him to the best of my ability. It's like everyone wants me out of his life. And at this point, the pain, humiliation, alienation, and just my son stuck in this "war," we call a custody case. I'm tired. For what?? He can look me up one day. It's not like I'm vanishing or running away... I just don't want visitation or anything else. It's what everyone wants anyway... Even him. I'm thinking about uprooting my entire life and leaving the only home city I've ever known for this boy. It's too much. What if that's the wrong choice? I'm tired. So why KEEP fighting? PLEASE advise, and comment. I don't know what to do.