I don't want to forgive him.

I am 22 years old and last May my grandmother passed away. She is my absolute idol and the person I look up to more than anyone else in this world. Words can't really explain how much I care about her and miss her dearly.

She met my dad's father when she was 14, and after their second child they were divorced. I used to ask her why they weren't still married when I was little and she told me until the day she died that "they just fell out of love."

A few years ago, I found out that "Bob," my so called grandfather, shoved my dad through a wall when he was 3 years old. My "grandfather" has never been a huge part of my life, but I did see him more when I was younger. He was never mean or cruel to me, but since I've gotten older, he has distanced himself from our entire family. He doesn't remember by birthday, let alone my dad's. We see him once a year at christmas when we all go out to eat. He hasn't even gotten us a christmas card in years. He has so much money but he spends it all on my step grandmother's family.

I just wanted to give all the readers an idea of how my previous relationship with him has been. For one more example, I was looking for hand me down couches when I moved into my first apartment last year. My dad found out "Bob" was throwing his really nice expensive couches away. My dad asked if I could have them instead, and he charged my $200.. .for couches he was throwing away.

Anyways... my relationship with him has never stressed me out too much. My father has my step grandpa and they are really close. However, this past thanksgiving, my mother told me that "Bob" cheated on my grandma before they were divorced with the dreadful woman he is married to now. I can't let it go... ever since she told me that, all the animosity I've built up over the years has come out and I don't think I will EVER forgive him for this. My grandma was the nicest person I've ever met. I can only hope to be half as warm-hearted as she was, towards everyone, and he cheated on her.

I can't go to christmas dinner with them this year but I know my dad will get upset with me. Do I have a right to be mad for something he did so long ago? The thing is, I have NO INTEREST in ever forgiving him because I now KNOW he is a waste of my time.

The only thing he said to me at my grandmother's funeral was "your cousin takes me out to lunch once a month." ..... that's it.

What do you think? Should I let it go?

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  • You can be mad. But I think you should go for the people you love..like your dad and your other family members you enjoy seeing. I don't think you and "Bob" will have any relationship other then saying "Hi" at family functions. There will be so many other people there, you won't have to pay him any attention. You can get through it. Don't allow him to get the better of you. He probably has no idea how he acts or reacts to people. You can feel any way you want, but at some point it's no worth your while to hold on to the anger.

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