I have too many desires
I have liked this guy since we were like 8. I am now 13 and he is 14. I have always been friends with him he is my best friends cousin and he goes to my school. He likes me on and off. He never wants to date me or ask me out though. I'm not sure if it's because of fear or just embarrassed of dating me. I think his buddies don't want him to date me because I'm not popular. He always says he wishes I was. I am friends with lots of popular people but I'm still not acceptable to date. I have been fine with that except when we go some place without his buddies at school. He will touch my thighs or hug me. Which just messes with my feelings. And all of a sudden I can't stop thinking about him. I get this almost a pain inside my chest like a longing for him. I can't stop the thought of him pushing me against a wall or kissing him out of my head even if its imaginary. I don't know what's wrong with me I see him and my belly burns it takes all of my will power to stop myself from grabbing him. It's like I crave him. But I think I'm slightly friend zoning him. When he sends me cute texts. Texts like "I love you" I'll answer with "I love you too buddy". I just can't help it I freak out. The only thing that bugs me is that I have always liked him but never felt quite this way. Please don't tell me it hormones I just wanted to let this out.