His Best Friend

I have never wanted something so bad, I knew the moment I met him. he would be a problem. You know how you meet someone and you just know they could take your heart on a roller coaster, and for the life of you, you couldn't help but jump on anyway?
Well that is me, or what I want it to be. You see I have been infatuated/thinking I am in love with him for 3, yes 3, years. It is the worst part of me, yet my most directed.
You see I have an amazing boyfriend, like a literal prince from a movie. He only lacks ambition(which is big), the wealth of a prince, and a fire for life. He is smart, so smart he has taught him self 3 langues. He is polite, caring, possibly gay, and close to perfect. Don't get me wrong I do love my boyfriend, but, I have never been in love with him.
*He is possibly gay, I have found one male nude picture, and he has admitted being bi curious. Totally fine, but I feel it is more than just curiosity and I am seldom wrong about these things.
The first time I noticed I really liked his friend, whom we can refer to as Tony, was the night of his birthday in 2013. When his booty call showed up, I was jealous, so jealous I couldn't even put on my fake nice to meet you smile. However, she was not my only competition, his next door neighbor also wanted his attention, but there was no competition with her and me. We had finally said good bye, when they had left for the bar as I was a few months away from legal age. But the true jealousy came when Tony told me how him and his booty call celebrated his birthday. He told me how he choked her, and she him, how they would bite each other so hard blood rose, how he couldn't imagine the next step past that. You see I have always had a deep dark fantasy, which has taken me years to even speak about, I love the idea of pain and s**. I loved the idea of him choking me, and him liking it, I loved his personality, the way he carried himself like he could make me feel anything he wanted.
Over the years we have made some questionable moves towards each other, but neither of us are willing to say what we truly want, or at least what I truly want. The first incident was the new years before he left for another province. We were all partying together, but it was mine and Tony's idea to get my boyfriend loaded, as we had never seen him p*** drunk. Our plan worked, but in no way was it in my favor. My boyfriend was puking all night, until one of our sober friends drove us home, where my boyfriend past out. It was only 1230, and I was wired from being around Tony. He does that too me, every time he comes home, right before he leaves again, and months before he comes home I become obsessed. But back to that night, I had texted him to see if him and the boys still wanted to hang, he never responded. The next day Tony came over to see us, and he said, you know a girl loves you when he drunk texts you eh? I didn't even connect the dots, but thankfully I said that's not always true. My boyfriend took no time in piping up with, yeah and you know she isn't the one when she drunk texts someone else. I was mortified, but so excited that Tony had given me that sort of attention. It was the perfect way to walk the line.
The next time a red flag came up was when he came home for the first time. The night he arrived he called me, and asked to come see us, of course I put a splash of makeup on and went to get him. I was so excited to see him, and I couldn't hide it from my boyfriend. I was grinning ear to ear, my heart was fluttering, his first night back and he is seeing us. You see the weird thing was that he and my boyfriend never talk when he is away, only me and Tony do. Tony knows about the male nude picture I found, he knows everything, he often tells me I know him better than he knows himself. There are very few people in this world I have ever connected with past attraction, he has this pull to him that I can't let go. This time when he came back he would make so much more eye contact with me, and I noticed he avoided touching me where as before he didn't mind hugging me good bye. I also noticed I tried to avoid touching him because I wanted to hide my feelings so bad, and I was afraid if I touched him my boyfriend would know. I made sure to take pictures of Tony while he was here, and when I looked back over them I noticed he was giving me the s** eye in almost everyone. Maybe it was just me imagining things, but the next time he came home I knew it wasn't. He asked me to drive him to the airport when he went away this time, but I was unable too, I have always wondered if he would have kissed me.
The last time he came home, he hooked up with my friend, 3 feet away from me. I heard every grueling detail down to her sucking his d***, her farting, and his oh yeah, f***... Safe to say I was heart broken, but I was partially to blame as I pushed my friend on him. You see he was complaining about never getting laid, and I wanted to fix that for him.

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