3-way relationship. Can it work?

I have a dilemma. I have been with my wife for 7 years. We got together very young. Over that time our relationship has grown so much and to this day we are head over heels for each other. The problem is we are both also head over heels for someone else that turns out to be the same person... my wife's best friend! Who also happens to be head over heels for me which she confessed had been going on for a number of years - basically since she met me. This explains the one too many relationships that didn't last more than 2 weeks, being single for the majority of time and always hanging with my wife and I at every chance. She would sometimes flirt with me but I always just thought of it as harmless.

One night the girls got to discussing threesomes to which they admitted they hadn't tried it but wanted to. Given I was the guy in the middle they asked if I was interested which I fobbed off as a joke initially until they started making out in front of me when we got back to my place. At the time my mind was saying 'that's a no go zone mate' but the testosterone was saying 'smash these two into next century'. Sure enough testosterone won and I was all smiles. I will spare you the details other than to say it's as amazing.

Anyway fast forward 1 year. My wife's gf has all but moved in and this trio thing has been awesome for the past year. I'm not just talking the s** but the whole relationship. We go on dates together, we travel together and most importantly we laugh together and make each other happy. All in all we are having an absolute ball. We set rules which is basically always invite the other when engaging in s** if they are around and it is just like any normal relationship - no cheating. Surprisingly, despite always being together, our friends and family have no clue. They just think we are the best of friends. We always just introduce my wife's friend as my wife's friend. This ways something we agreed to save face. Our neighbours may have a suspicion but that's it.

They have now put something to me that I don't know what to do about or how I feel about. In short, they won't my wife's girlfriend to officially move in and essentially go public with our relationship. Eeeeeeeeekkk! My biggest concern is what people will think and most importantly what my family will think. The other issue I am grappling with, which is related to the first issue, is that I have always been taught a relationship on that level is between two people only. I never thought this would happen and there is a mental block. I think of general conversations I will have with people like my colleagues or people I don't know well... How do I say I'm in a relationship with 2 girls and not sound like an idiot and a douchebag. Then there is the stigma attached to this which I don't think the girls have thought about in great detail. The chances are people will judge and some very arrogant people will label them s****. I wonder what impact that will have on our relationship as well. Then there is the kicker... Drum roll please... They are both pregnant! This likely happened on one alcohol fuelled night with no protection. I feel like I'm ready to be a father. We are all at that age.

Am I worrying over this for no reason? Should I feel bad about what we have? Is it wrong?


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  • Yeah f*** 'em man. As long as you guys are honest and straight up with one another then go for it. Sounds a bit like the 60s and 70s when this was not uncommon.

  • It certainly isn't wrong if you are all truthful to each other and you are open about what you need and careful about understanding the other's needs. It also seems to be working for you guys.

    Be forwarned that if you go open with this you will be harassed by ignorant people that don't understand and don't care to understand. You will continuously have to explain to people that it is fine even if it is none of their business.

  • "Can it work?" No. No, it can't.

  • I didn't use to understand how people could be in polyamorous relationships, but I asked someone in one and they explained it to me. It's a very giving relationship, but it can also be very difficult. When there are children involved they describe it as a big family and love their siblings and parents, usually equally. Yes, people will talk and they won't understand, but if you all genuinely love each other then that should be enough. Don't pay attention to other people, just listen to what you and they want.

  • I agree, I think relationships are between two people. If you have a 3rd person, feelings will always end up getting hurt. It definitely doesn't work for everyone. But you have an arrangement where it seems that everyone is very open and honest, and that's great. And now, you're in pretty deep and can't go back. If she wasn't pregnant, it could be a different story. Going public with this, people will certainly stare and certainly talk and definitely judge. You can never prevent that. Because that is just what some people do. But now you have another woman and child in this mix and those children need to be protected. So the three of you will have to figure out something that everyone can live with. Because the initial stage may not be welcomed with open arms..or maybe it could be no big deal. Start with you. Maybe you have to work on your acceptance of the situation and when you have, you go out there and share it with the world. You had to know, the secret couldn't last forever. Really all that matters is what the 3 of you think. How will this dynamic work in the long term. Because it sounded like something temporary turned permanent. You may want to work some further details out about how family affairs will be handled moving forward.

  • How's parent/teacher conference going to go with two different mothers?

    What will you tell your children?

    Once the kids arrive these women's feelings will change and there will be a tug if war over you!

    Why doesn't anyone take the pill anymore?

  • As long as the three of you are happy then why do you care what anybody else thinks???? Are you that shallow that Facebook runs your life?

  • Tht's quite an exciting life seems lyk yal enjoying it lol dnt stress papa u'v got a great life ahead of u

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