I am a 15 year old pansexual girl and I need to vent
First of all, let's discuss the title. 15 years old? Well, teenagers are going through a substantial amount of change during their teenage years. I'm in the act of distinguishing what my beliefs are and what morals I'd like to abide to as an adult. Pansexual? No, I don't f*** pans, that's a fetish not a sexuality. I consider myself "gender blind" and tend to not look at people through the scale of male or female, and more like a spectrum of cisgender or genderfluid. Most of my peers know I'm openly? pansexual, however, towards my family, I am closeted - or I haven't come out. This is due to the fact I have a strict dad and a religious mom, but I don't mind being "in the closet". Who I feel romantically attracted to doesn't affect them unless I got pregnant, contracted STDs or wanted to marry a person I love in which I would probably seek their approval. No, I do not believe I am bisexual. No, I do not participate in more threesomes than the average human being. I am not greedy, selfish or in some "experimental phase". I am not more likely to cheat than the average straight person. Men, if I flirt with you, it's because I want a laugh or I genuinely like you. Dear women, if I hit on you, its because I'm trying to boost your self-esteem or because I'd like to get to know you better. Furthermore, I am an atheist, though I respect some morals from Buddhism and Islam. I am part of a minority that is constantly bashed by other people. "Aren't you a Satanist because you don't believe in God?" is a common question I am asked - and many times I have been tempted to scream b***** murder, "No d******, I don't believe in God so there would be no demons in my eyes except the ones in my head. Now leave me the f*** alone." On a personal level, besides the labels so blatantly tattooed across my forehead (figuratively). Despite that I act really passionate about my beliefs with some "I don't give a s***" type of attitude, I, like any other human being, have my own insecurities. When being put under pressure, my work turns sloppy vs. when I'm not being judged, the finishing project turns out okay. I can't stand compliments, I'm not used to them. I am so used to being bashed verbally like some punching dummy, that I let insults wash over me until I absorb them completely. "You're a stupid cow with no common sense" comes to mind when I describe myself. And that's somewhat okay. With enduring insults comes this overwhelming euphoria of feeling neutral. So, depending on who the person is, I can put up with your bullshit. If you're my age or younger, b**** don't try to get cocky or dumb. Older people are more easy to put up with when they're reasonable. Want to talk about emotions? I will either care or not give a f*** about your emotions because your life doesn't affect me.