Nothing but sadness...

I feel really sad and angry , I have lost allot of people in my life that I loved... I knew someone who took his life :( , I had been in the same position ... I had suicidal thoughts allot in my life , even when I was just 7 years old .. , my friends had saved my life because when I was 13 I was going to drink bleach and take allot of pills . im a cutter ... I had been clean for 2 months but I kind of relapsed . I have depression .. , I try to keep people happy and say that im ok so that they wont be sad and it goes well because nobody notices :/.. now I just discovered that my best friend is self-harming too ... im trying to stop her from scratching her self because I know that it will become an addiction and wont be able to stop. now I have to keep myself safe because I know that if I see her self-harming , im going to cut again because I cant stand the fact that somebody is sad :( . Im an only child , and I live with only my mum because my dad left us when I was 1 year old .. 2 months ago on the 21'st of December my grandpa had died in out arms ... he raised me like I was his daughter :( , I couldn't believe it , and the feeling that someone had died and he's in your arms and you try to wake him back up is awful because you know that its not gonna happen ... on the 23 of February his brother died too , we where so close even closer than me and grandpa .. I never had the chance to say goodbye because he died before anyone knew .... the moment I had to say goodbye was at the mourge .. I couldn't cry because I felt motionless . and still am , I feel like I cant smile anymore all I feel is anger and sadness . and now im drinking and smoking to release the pain I feel .. im a lesbian and that doesn't make things easier :/ , oh and im only 14 ... I cant believe that there are people my age and take things for granted and have everything and I had nothing but pain and failure in my life.

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  • Dear Friend,
    Condolences for your losses and all of the awful things that you've had to endure. Please get into therapy so that you can begin repairing the damage to yourself. Your life can and will improve when you do this. Be well.

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