Love a Game, Heart is Played

Hi all..hope all you are doing well...and are "happy"...well that is the most significant thing in life..a decision rather...I never thought that I will be making a confession someday...probably my first and last one...but its something which has changed me and my perception completely...well how to start then...typical one..boy meets a dance class..something terrible in her eyes caught my attention..a melancholy..sadness...something maybe i could relate to..maybe because i myself was nurturing my broken heart due to a past relationship...anyways we became good friends fast..initially for me she meant someone whom i could trust...someone who understands me...a friend...long chats on phone and meet ups which comprised of long conversations...more about matters related to life and heart..not on flirtatious tones and fancy lines...she was alcoholic and was way too much into smoking...i often told her to leave she looked sick and tired...then one day something happened.. i was invited for a stay-over at night..for reasons obvious although she never said explicitly...something which i had not expected so early in a matter of few weeks..we were friends...had shared a couple of things...but this seemed way too early for me...i was taken aback...and i refused...she got angry and said she thought wrong about me...that i was teaching her a lesson...she said she invited coz she never wanted to be alone...i did not get it completely...but i said it's ok..we can talk on phone so she would not feel alone...the matter subsided that day on phone itself...does every guy goes around sticking his "thing" around all female friends...does every girl sleep with every male friend of hers..both of which i detest..that is my opinion gender biasing on that...anyways the next day she spoke about her past...she was in a bad relationship ...after that people came in her life and left...she said she felt something for me and wanted to live a normal life...but the very next day she said we can only be friends...i agreed too..we kept in touch and our conversations continued...i moved to a different city..still she kept in touch...we talked almost everyday....had little fights too...i myself did not know when i started to fall for her...i thought maybe just life was giving me a second chance...untill a day came when we had a major fight....words were exchanged between us....words which hurt me when i remember till date...even i hurt her too...that day i came to know her former BF cheated on her....and she was a depression patient too...i was devastated from all aspects...did not knew whhich hurt was more her or mine...we stopped talking for few days...but again she came back starting to talk with me.... we spoke and continued being friends....untill one day again the words spoken during our fight...arose once again..and i came to know she was having some one else too...i asked her clearly whether we should end this...even though i did not want to as i was worried about her health..which led to more quarrels...ultimately i had sleepless nights and felt cheated and hurt...we stopped talking for months...but as you know when u are in love...u love someone even if they are not good to you...then i made a mistake..i tried speaking to return i was humiliated...every now and then...ultimately i decided not to have any conversation...i really never understood what was her purpose in my life....she had given me some of the best encourangement as a friend....on the other hand she utilised and humiliated me...seems like i've been played with and nothing's been more than a year now...she has moved to another country...nullified all contacts with her....came across a photo of her few days back..she's from a affluent family..happy..but her eyes as usual doesn't reflect so...seemed like i was the only person who could see and tried to help for me..i'm still alive..going to work..eating ..sleeping...but her thought is still there...sometimes beautiful...sometimes as poison in veins...i try to convince myself that i have gotten over her..ending my day with her thoughts..pain and pleasure both...angry, spiteful....yes..because i'm human...i never wished i would ever face something like this...from a person i loved... a friend so close i see how you trust people and give them chances..i had one mistake..that I cared and loved see what you get in return..but they break your trust everytime....i'm just grateful that she's no longer part of my life...for better or worse..i don't know....I know it would appear that i have been fololed and some criticism will follow..but friends should we think so much and fall in love ?..all these make you doubt in love..whether the people who have hurted you will ever understand what they had done..will they realise and feel the same someday...i guess i ask this question to all of you as well....

Mar 15, 2016

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  • Has anyone ever suggested to you that you need therapy? Please consider getting it so that you can better understand yourself. Be well now.

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