I don't know what to think of it anymore.
I don't have a father figure. My biological dad doesn't bother speaking to me, and my step-dad f***** me and my mother both over - by cheating and getting another woman pregnant. I can never forgive him, and I can't help loving him. My view of a father figure is completely warped. My view of family is completely warped.
I was molested and abused by one of my uncles and my grandfather. They didn't know what they did to me. Now all of the relationships I get into, it just doesn't feel right. I feel as if all guys are using me, like they want something out of me.
I end up hurting the person I'm with, I guess because that is how I've grown up seeing relationships as. I've grown up with the idea to "hurt others before they can hurt you."
I sometimes give up all hope - sometimes it hurts so bad I cry endlessly - although I enjoy acting like nothing phases me. I guess I try to have a strong outlook on life. An apathetic one.
I still can't help but love all of my family.
And I hate that I love them.