Coming out advice

This is going to sound horribly naive so please bear with me. My husband an I recently learned that or 17 year old son Jason is gay. He hasn't come out to us yet

Here's a little back story. Jason has a best friend named David. The two of them have been friends since middle school. They've been on various sports trams together. My husband and I are vary fond of David. His mom is a nurse and works a lot of hours. His dad is out of the picture. She's become a good friend of mine. Because she's not alway around, David has a standing invitation to have dinner with us any time, he lives two blocks away. He usually joins us three or four times a week depending on his moms scheduled. Plus he usually stays at our house at least one weekend a month.

Monday I was running late and the boys were home before me. They had the radio on and didn't hear me come in. They were in the living room kind of slow dancing and kissing. I backed around the corner and went out the door. I stood on the pourch for a few minutes. I admit it. I was shocked. I never suspected. I went back in the house making a lot of noise so they would hear me this time. I don't think they saw me but both acted a little off that night.

Later that night my husband and I are laying in bed and I told him what happend. He said, yeah I kind of figured. He asked me if I ever noticed how the act or look at each other when they think no one is watching. So I guess I'm just a head in the clouds mom. I never picked up on it.

My husband and I are fine with it. It's just not an issue for us. We've alway supported LGBT rights. The laws being passed around the country right now are disgusting. I want my son to be happy and fulfilled in life. The s** of the person he loves doesn't matter.

We love David. He's kind and courteous . He's helped Jason raise some of his grades. He's good kid. I'm greatful my son has such a good friend.

Question number one.
I asked my husband if we should talk to him and let let him know that we know and don't have a problem with it. My husband say let him come to us when he's ready. The mom side of me wants to tell him he came be honest with us and that he dosrnt have to hide who he is.

Question two.
Knowing that they are fooling around/maybe having s** should we still let David sleep in his room when he stays over.

I'm really torn on this one. If he was dating a girl there would be no chance we would allow that. I know its a double standard. I asked my husband if he thought they were having s**. He said probably. Not to be glib, but he said if they are its not like we have to worry about one of them getting pregnant. I guess I still think of him as my baby. I wouldnt want him to be having s** with a girl. He's 17. I may be a little gullible, I know he's old enough to want to have s**. My husband dorsnt have a problem with them in the same room. I think he's handling it all better than I am. I over think everything's.

He's taking them camping this weekend. The boys will be in one tent and my husband will be in another. He says if they are having s** they aren't going to stop just because I'm not sure I want them to. And that its better to give them a place where they can be safe to do it.

Question three.
Am I just being an overprotective mom?

Any advice? I don't want to embarrass him but I want him to know that he doesn't have to be ashamed or embarrassed for who he is. Did anyone have their parents talk to them about being gay before they came out. Any troll free advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry this was so long. I haven't talked about it to any of my friends yet. Outside of my husband this is the first place I've had to decompress it.


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  • First of all, you're a great Mom and your husband sounds understanding too. It's wonderful when a child feels accepted and loved by his parents especially with there still being so many ignorant people in the world. It kind of depends on how open a relationship you have with your son whether you should broach issues or wait until he takes the lead. Concerning your house rules, that's your decision and has little to do with his sexuality. And you don't sound overly protective, just concerned and loving.

  • ^Agreed! There aren't enough likes and hearts that I can click on this post. You and your husband are awesome! Someday, show your son this post.

  • Thank you both. I wasn't sure if I should post this or not. :-)

    Jason and I have always been close. He an only child. We usually have a vary open relationship when it comes to talking about things but I understand this is different. I was thinking about writing this last night. Before he left for school I hugged him a little longer than he was expecting. I said I love you, baby. You know that right? He gave me the embaresed boy look and said he knows.

    My husband is going to try and genly bring somethings up in a general sense to see if they will open up. If they don't pick up the conversation he's going to drop it. I know he's doing it for me. He settled on letting Jason tell us when he's ready. The boys have been looking forward to this weekend and we don't want to spoile it for them. They've both been working really hard at school. I want them to just relax and have fun.

  • What happened on their camping trip? Has he talked you you and your husband yet?

  • He hasn't said anything yet. I'm not going to push the issue. When he's ready he will tell us. I've been following LGBT news more and drop in comments to let him know his father and I support equality. He has started to engage in conversations about things going on it the news, he never did before. I see that as a good sign. David still spends time with us. My husband and I still love having him around. They still stay in his room. I was unsure about that at first. My husband changed my mind. He pointed out that our house may be the only place they have to be open and honest with each other. I want them to have a place where they know they are safe.

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