Question - is cheating on your spouse ever ok?

This is an honest question, and I am curious on peoples thoughts on this matter. Are there any circumstances that you think would make cheating on your spouse acceptable or maybe a better word would be "understandable"?

I'll throw out some examples: Your spouse is no longer affectionate with you, or no longer intimate with you. Maybe they cheated on you first. Or maybe they just generally treat you like crap, you're unhappy but you feel you need to stay for various reasons (could be children, could be health concerns, could be financial concerns).

For the sake of this question let's assume you've already made many efforts to fix the relationship with your spouse before you considered cheating.

What do you think? For the record I am not seeking excuses or permission to cheat.

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  • For the record . I'm 62 she is 60 , been married 10 years . The last five years no s** at all none , period ! Talk about being lonely is an understatement . I would do anything in this world to whatch my wife get laid . But she just doesn't like s** . And she is still hot looking .

  • I'm married, but I would totally date you.

  • Am I a boy or a girl?

  • .......ummmm....don't you know?

  • I do, but do you know?

  • If you want to f*** around just stay single unless the person you are with wants an open relationship. Don't be an a**.

  • It's not ever okay to cheat on someone. You leave.

  • I didn't cheat on my ex-wife but I went s** crazy after we separated.

  • If you've exhausted all avenues to work on your relationship, I still don't agree with cheating. Bringing another person into your relationship does not fix anything. Cheating by definition is still dishonest and hurtful to the other person. Reasons and excuses don't make it okay to step out on your spouse/S.O. And it's not because someone is sleeping with someone else. So much more is wrapped into it. If it's that bad and you're that unhappy, leave. A person can get over a break up. But when someone cheats, it cuts that much deeper. If you have children, they would be better off what the outcome of an affair could incur. The biggest fear I would have with someone cheating is them bringing back a disease.. it can and does happen. Or the person they choose to cheat with doesn't get that it's a one time thing, they get pregnant or whatever else...If you discuss with your spouse the option of sleeping with someone else - then it's really no longer cheating. The relationship is redefined as open. How about... If you are a cheater, are you going to get mad/upset if the person you're with cheats on you? Because that would be hysterical. And is a physical affair worse than an emotional affair. Can you forgive a cheater?

  • It's only okay IF both husband and wife understand that the marriage is either over or soon will be, or its just a convenience, or its being maintained only for appearances.

  • Regardless of what you say, what you're really looking for is a convenient rationalization, or a one-size-fits-all justification. That's not how it works. Either you're personally okay with the concept of cheating --- which, of course, means you're okay with being cheated ON --- or you're not. If you're okay with it, then go for it. If you're not okay with it, then the bases you might have for cheating don't matter a whit. Judging by the content and tone of your post, I've inferred that you are okay with cheating. So? Go cheat. Enjoy yourself. Find a loving and discreet affair partner and get started. Today is not too soon. I think you already have someone in mind, so reach out and touch that person. TODAY.

  • I am single, and not looking to cheat, but maybe you have trouble reading since I stated in my original post that I am not looking for excuses or justifications for cheating. It was honestly just a question. I've been married and never cheated, but I have been cheated on. Thank you for your response all the same.

  • Maybe you're the one with reading problems: her response began with "Regardless of what you say . . .". Most times people who exclude one interpretation as a preliminary matter are attempting to hide the fact that what they are excluding is actually what they mean, whether or not they're aware of it themselves. I don't want to speak for the other respondent, but saying a thing isn't so doesn't make it not so.

  • I read just fine and I'm still completely single. Thanks.

  • He's NOT. You're welcome.

  • As I said... I am still SINGLE. As in not with anyone married or otherwise. Just as you point out that there is a possibility I was looking for justification to cheat, it is possible it is just a question and I am not cheating or assisting anyone to cheat. It seems a bit silly to become an internet warrior about my perceived intentions to cheat or help someone cheat. What does it matter to you? Why not just take this at face value? Someone seems a bit bitter...

  • Yes you do. Thank you.

  • I like you. You're a fun troll. <3

  • :) I might actually be falling in love...........you're yummy.

  • I love cheating. I've cheated on both my husbands and every man I've ever been involved with.

  • Cheating is thrilling. The more often you do it, the better it gets.

  • It's always okay to cheat. S** is for fun. It's to be enjoyed. Chastising somebody for infidelity is just cheap moralizing, and I wish all those people would just give us all a break and STFU.

  • I never cheated on my now ex-wife but I sure as H*** would have if I had been given the chance. After we married my ex-wife thought our s** life was over.

  • I am the OP - I realize people will have their own bias but that is kind of what I am interested in. I am not even sure there really is an answer to this questions because there are so many variables. I also think it's interesting how perspective changes over time/age/length of relationship. I actually got out of a relationship that was bad for me, and I am very very happy now, so I struggle to understand when I see men and women stay in miserable marriages. But I also realize they have their reasons.

  • Most young people who see things in black and white, will say yes it's always wrong. When you're miserable and stuck in a contract you have a right to be happy, its about love not one nighters. I do think the spouse should be told though if one is going to cheat. Also people who cheat for the thrill and pleasure of a new person are just bad people.

  • I think cheating is motivated by feeling, not by thinking. People cheat first, because they want to and the situation arises, then later they come up with reasons why they did.

    On a morally charged question like this, you'll never get a right answer, because people are going to answer in their own best interest. People who have cheated, want to cheat, or are trying to be objective will say it's permissible in various circumstances. People who have been cheated on, have low s** drive, or are particularly religious will say that it is never ok.

    My particular view is that if it causes harm to others, it is wrong, but otherwise it is a grey area.

    For example, my wife sometimes wants me to take a mistress for the times she can't be there to satisfy my needs. (She's very submissive.) However, most of the women who are interested in me sexually are also interested in taking me away from her, so if I allowed them that close to me, they would try to break up my family and cause harm to my relationship, which makes it wrong even when my wife agrees with it.

    If I could find a girl with the same end goal as I have in mind, then it wouldn't be wrong.

  • Before marriage and the first 10 years I would have unequivocally said that one should never ever ever under any circumstances cheat on their spouse.

    I am now firmly of the opinion that some kind of multiple relationship thing is fine.

    It seems to me that on the one hand society has become more open but also more judgemental. So one still has to keep it on the quiet.

    My wife has as far as I can see absolutely zero sexual drive and coupled with as far as I can see no interest in me leaves me feeling lonely, trapped, angry, disappointed and so on. All negative feelings.

    I could leave. One consequence is then the kids have only one parent in their and objectively that is bad plus I would like to be a part of their lives.

    I have tried to distract myself with work, hobbies, sport but still there is this ache for love. To give and receive love. To feel valued and to feel like one is valued for giving someone else love. And yes s** too. The wife gives me s** but she just lies there. It is so unrewarding. I actually hate it. She seems to think she has an obligation to give me s** but not to give love.

  • How do you treat her ? If she feels she is secondary to your life by ignoring her needs, there is a lack of communication between you and lack of affection from your part, then I can't blame her. I was in that situation and I left him when he took it a step further by disrespecting me.

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