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I'm married, have a kid and after 10 years I still think about hi
I just want to spill this thing that is tearing me apart and making me a half-human.
I met him ten years ago. We were so in love, I was so happy, I couldn't believe that this is happening to me. To good to be real. Two years after we met he left to study in Amsterdam.
So our lives continued. I met a boy, I got pregnant. Now I have a beautiful kid and I'm married but I'm not happy. Yes, I love my kid with all of my heart, he is my everything and I wouldn't change a thing in my past just to have him.
But this boy..... God.... It has been 10 years, we still write to each other sometimes. I want to tell him something more and I know that he wants to tell me something too, I can feel it... But I'm married with a kid after all.
Everything is just so ** up.... Should I follow to where my heart leads and fulfill my dream, the only thing that movies teach or should I keep this family together on the price of destroying myself completely?
I'm just afraid of becoming another Anna Karenina...
The heart and the sense are in such fight that I keep finding it hard to breathe day after day....
Is there a possible happy ending? Sometimes I watch these movies and I just think that the only happy ending that I would wish for myself is to see him again just even one more time in my life. It could be just a sneek peek, without him even realizing that I'm watching him.
You should commit yourself to your family. There is no reason that should destroy you. You should stop writing to your ex. A big part of the reason you feel dissatisfied with your marriage is that you have this fantasy about what life would be like with your ex. It is only a fantasy. Put him completely out of your life, and concentrate on your family. You can find happiness, not extasy but happiness there, if you *try*. You say you love your son. What would it do to him if you broke up your family for the selfish dream of taking up with your ex?
If you're not happy in your marriage, you should leave. But there are no guarantees that this other guy is going to make you happier or even work out. It seems that you're basing a lot of these thoughts on what happened between you two 10 years ago. And now, you are occasionally in contact. And as you said you have a kid, so you have to be even more mindful for how he plays in this dynamic. Only you can figure out if this is the chance you want to take. You'll just deal with whatever happens. Maybe you need to tell this guy exactly how you feel. And see what he has to say and see if it's even a possibility, or that he's even serious. And then when you have that information, you can figure out what to do. And figure out if you are not happy in your marriage, or just not happy ...Because nothing and no one will make you happy or fulfilled if it's just within you.