I hate my 15 year old daughter.

I have three boys - 26, 25, and 19. I have a pretty decent relationship with all of them - and they have all turned out to be decent human beings (two college grads - a pilot and an accountant, and one in college now - all daying their girlfriends 2+, 3+, and 5+ years. However, with my 15 year old daughter - it is another story entirely. She has an IQ higher than mine and my husband's, than almost all of the kids at her scool, and her teachers - yet she's failing every class - for no reason other than she doesn't like to turn s*** in. We just dished out $400 for her to take an online English course for summer - and she waits until the last minute to work on her assingnments. That worked okay the first few weeks - but finally caught up with her this week when she realized she couldn't "cliff notes" her way through a test on "The Odyssey". ...Just like we told her she wasn't going to be able to do. This is all from a girl who takes all honors classes and won the 6th and 7th grade spelling bee two years in a row at her middle school of over 1,000 kids, then placed 7th and 4th in the county bee. She's too smart for her own good. She knows "everything" already. She is hormonal, has few friends, and has Asperger's. It's like she's been whammied all around - but she super HATES us for her entire existence. I almost lost her when I was six weeks pregnant. Lately, I can't help wondering how different my life would be, had the miscarriage completed... I realize I sound like a HORRIBLE parent...but what I haven't said yet is how much - from the time I was six weeks pregnant I have done for her....E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!!!!!! I have prayed for her, loved her, cared for her, protected her, helped her learn to eat, bathe, tie her shoes, all the normal stuff...amd then some - counseling, testing, defending, supporting, sports, music lessons, EVERYTHING WE CAN THINK OF. From the time she walked until she turned 10 (almost that exact date), I would come home and she would run to me with arms open, smiling so big, shouting happily "MOM!!!", and great me with the biggest hug. Then, like lightening, like a swithch, it all crashed and went to h***. She ABSOLUTELY REFUSES to follow any rules ANYWHERE, EVER. She eats in her room, it is a complete pig pen, literally GROWLS AT US when we ask her about school work, or chores, or anything. Like - I don't even want to come home anymore AT ALL. I absolutely hate dealing with this lazy, manipulative, lying, selfish, hateful, completely useless teenage girl. And while I'd give a kidney to save her life - I feel like I equally fkng hate who she has grown into as a person...and I mean H-A-T-E. And based on the YEARS AND YEARS of counseling, teacher appts, social groups, and behavioral interventionists suggestions, etc. - she's going to end up living with my husband and I forever...or at least well into adulthood. I've never been a perfect mother - but she has me considering suicide every few days from the pain and anguish of failing at motherhood with her. But I can't be cruel enough to her to actually do it... F---M---L.

9 Comments

  • newest
  • oldest
  • most replies
  • most popular
  • Ur girl could benifit from getting a big c***

  • The girl needs psychiatric help. Try to understand her and try to help her.

  • I am trying to - so very much! Reading back over my post, I remember how absolutely, desperately exhausted I was when I wrote it. Ugh. Today, my husband read me an email from her summer school teacher. It appears she is now set to fail 9th grade English again for the second time. Again - all this after years of counseling and testing. My daughter's IQ is in the 99th percentile. That means, on average, for every 100 individuals she meets - only ONE is smarter than she is. This brilliant (and beautiful) child is killing my soul. My best friend died of a long and awful cancer. This isn't cancer - but watching your child crush their future is painful and heartbreaking, nonetheless.

  • You are not failing at motherhood. You are just being challenged. Not sure what it will take for her to want to succeed. Does she have friends or a therapist to talk to? Something is most likely going on and she's not telling you. It's not always easy being a teenager, and it can't be easy on her with hormones, few friends and Aspergers. What are the consequences when she doesn't turn things in? She just doesn't care? Does she have a phone or ipad taken away? When she turns 18, she doesn't have to live with you. Look into supported living services/independent living services. Hang in there!!!

  • Thank you. I'm grateful for the opportunity to vent here and get feedback. The truth is, I know I can't give up. Yes, we have taken what very little she has to cherish...phone, computer...last week, her door, for a time. Endlessly exhausted...but will keep trying.

  • Aspergers is rough! I feel for you, I know many people struggling with their teens nowadays. You need a break. You need to step back, maybe have your husband try for awhile. Please take some time for you, and don't blame yourself. You sound like you are trying really hard, maybe too hard. I learned that from my sons counselor, and it helps a lot. Best of Luck

  • Thank you! Yes, he's had to step up a lot over this last year, bless his heart.

  • Sound rough and I'm sure you just need to vent but if you actually want her to become a functioning adult you need to change the way you view her right now. Concentrate on the good and bring that out, no excuses. Parenting is hard but you are going to be in for worse times with negative thinking. Wishing you the best.

  • Thank you. You are so right! But to note - I am absolutely just trying to be positive TO HER. It's behind the scenes that I'm crumbling!!!!

Account Login
Signup
Is this post inapropriate?
Is this comment inapropriate?
Delete this post?