Can't Have my Sunshine

I am hopelessly in love with someone I can never have.

It’s not because he’s of a different religion (I don’t belong to one) or a social status or race or stuff like that (love transcends all boundaries, after all)… it’s because he’s from a different time.

He was a soldier back in World War II. I can’t talk much about him, though. You say you’re in love with a soldier who’s been dead since June 11th, 1944 and people look at you like you’re absolutely crazy. H***, I’m afraid to tell them his name because it’s a dead giveaway to what side he was fighting on. I feel as if I’ve known this guy in a past life; even if I’m agnostic-leaning-atheist, I can still believe in reincarnation, can’t I? I have since I was six. I’m not even making up that past life thing; I really mean it. And it’s that same feeling telling me that he was a sweetheart despite everything going on around him.

Then there’s that panicky feeling in the back of my mind saying “He’s not who you think he is! Stop obsessing, will you, you stupid twit?”

I’m pretty sure this isn’t “just a movie star crush”. I’ve had those crushes before; they only last about three months at most before I find another (yes, I’m a shallow person at times; I’ll gladly admit it because we all are shallow at one point or another). This crush? It’s lasted since February 14th, 2007. Valentine’s Day. The only reason I know this is because it’s the date on the picture on my cell phone. Yes, I take his picture everywhere with me… just not in the usual wallet-size photo way people are accustomed to.

I can’t listen to Peter Gabriel’s “Mercy Street” or “I Grieve”, because he’s the first thing I think of whenever I hear them. I can’t even listen to people just humming the song “You Are My Sunshine” for the exact same reason.

I want to go back in time, find this man, get him out of the war alive and be with him the rest of my life. I’m not the type of person who ever wants children, but if I could go back and time and be with him, I would gladly have his children.

But I know that can’t ever happen.

I’m screwed.

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