No work

I got fired from my job about a month ago due to "downsizing" but haven't told my wife. I still keep the same routine of waking up, showering, and leaving the house at the 8:15 every morning and come home to see her at lunch at 12:00 and come home to her at the end of the day around 6:00. The only difference is that instead of going to the office, I sit in the park all day and pretend to read newspapers or if it's rainy I'll sit in a coffee shop pretending to work on my lap top even though I'm usually just staring at a blank screen and daydreaming. I got nothing to live for and have given up on even attempting to look for a job. I keep a piece of paper in my wallet that I pull out and obsess over as I slowly subtract the little left of my savings on a daily basis. I am calculating when the money will completely run out. What then? I don't know yet. I know my wife will leave me as soon as I tell her but I don't really even care about that anymore. I don't let on that anythings wrong in front of my wife. I even make up stories about what happened at the office each day and sometimes come home late telling her that I got stuck at work because I had to close on a big deal. She doesn't work and hasn't since we've been married. She is a good housewife, cooking, shopping and cleaning the whole nine yards. But I think I'm done with this domestic life. Sitting and thinking all day for these past few weeks has made me think I want to just live as a homeless man and sleep on the streets and beg for money to get by day to day. I no longer want a mortgage, car payments, and a wife who buys the most frivolous things. I also think about having an affair just so she will leave me and I won't have to break the news to her that the money's all gone. The other thing crossing my mind lately is laying down on the train tracks to meet the twelve o' clock special.

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