Itching my roids..
I routinely itch my hemorrhoids with a hot, wet rag until the rag shows red stains from blood. Have also used toilet brushes (they really get up there), bars of soap, or anything else that would itch a roid to the point of feeling so good but so dry and painful.
Got home from lunch little while ago, and started farting up a storm from the food and beer. That led to a mid-kitchen roid itch with a boiling hot rag that felt SOOOO good! I know it will hurt later, but don't care. Let that thing swell up now!