If he is cheating is there hope?

My husband doesn't know what I've discovered. He has been having an affair literally right under my nose with my best friend. I welcome this woman into my home regularly. I've trusted her and my husband together. She is close to my adult kids, and we are close to her teen son. I went to bed one evening with a headache, and left them watching a movie. I got up to go to the washroom and thought I heard a moan or grunt. Whatever I heard it sounded out of place. I sneaked to where they were in the TV room and she was on the floor sucking him off while he sat on the couch. He was so engrossed in their filthy act that he didn't notice me.

I immediately felt rage, confusion, fear, sick, and as if they had both stabbed me in the back. But for some reason I didn't stop them. I can't even say why. I didn't charge into that room and demand it stop. I quietly slipped back to our marital bed in tears. I thought I was going to throw up.

He's been a good husband of 17 years. We have two young adults. He's been a great father. He works hard. He takes care of me when I've been unwell. We've faced a lot of hardships and come through them together. Our love life has had ups and downs, and I am maybe not as interested as he is.

I knew he was close with my friend, as am I. We all enjoy her in our lives and home.

If he's doing this to me is there hope? Do you think he already has one foot out the door? Do you think he intends to leave me or is she just for s**?

I am so confused, and I know I have to do something I am just not sure what. I've been avoiding my friend and watching my husband like a hawk.

21 Comments

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  • If he's straying because he's bored of your v***** after 17 years together, find yourself a toy boy woman and ride the h*** out of him!! Aren't you sick of the same d***, for 17 years?

  • F*** someone else and let him know about it. Tell him you did it, after finding out about his affair and thought it was justified. If he can f*** around, so can you! An eye for an eye. Why should he have, all the adulterous fun!!

  • 1) get rid of the friend or gently push her away. She isn't your friend and won't be again as you will never trust her.
    2) I personally would calmly talk to your husband. Not about the affair but maybe about how you don't feel as close as you used to.
    Ask if there is anything he wants to do, if theres anything you can improve on in the relationship? In the bedroom or out of it. Perhaps a simple date night once a month to rekindle? It's not always about s**. He could be feeling lack of affection.
    From this talk you should know if he want's to leave. He's your husband and you will know him well enough to know of he wants to leave from the way he talks.
    I hope you work all this out

  • Most men will f*** anything, if given the chance. Your friend is a s******* for making moves on him, and your husband is a sleazy animal for thinking with his d***. I'd go into marriage counseling with your husband or, if it is already a lost cause, ditch him and your friend.

  • If u don't have a d*** how do u have any perspective stupid

  • If you are happy in your life and love your husband. And can accept him having s** with her. There is hope. I would talk to him. Maybe join them. To most men its just s**. To women its an emotional attachment.

  • She should have an affair aswell, then discuss their marriage.

  • Maybe give her the boot and then blow ur husband at least once a day u people act like it's so difficult to have s** regularly...he wouldn't need to get it from that other chick

  • Don't assume he's having an affair, because he's not getting serviced by his wife!! Some men stray, because they're greedy f****** and enjoy getting their c*** polished, by fresh young women or/and men. So don't pull that "ignorant card, fool!!"

  • Men are dogs. You wouldn't get rid of your dog just because he licked his own ass, or the ass of another dog.

  • Yes, and women are b******

  • He licked the ass of my best friend. Do I get rid of her?

  • The point was: if an animal does what the animal is programmed to do by nature, where's the surprise? the disappointment? the outrage? He was just doing what men do. You want him to stop it? Roll up the newspaper and beat his ass a few times in the spot where he made the mess.

  • And this will stop him from doing it again? How do I keep her away from him? What do you do for the 'b****' in this equation?

  • Jeeziz......I'm not even the person who commented here (which I thought was funny), but you take things a bit literally, no? I see now why he cheats.

  • I understood what the person meant, but my questions are genuine.

  • Wrt below, personally I would not confront agressivly. That may cause people to retreat defensivly and take a hard position that they will find difficult to move from.

    I'm a guy and the first thing I see is that she was sucking him off. Sounds like he was enjoying the attention but had not gone out seeking it. If he had been doing the seeking, I reckon he would have done it somewhere out of the house. Just my gut feeling.

    My mariage it pretty ordinary and if a woman showed me attention now I would take it.

    Why ? Because my wife has lost interest in me and in s**.

    If you want to win him back then I would suggest what you need to do is tease. It's not s** per se. It is showing interest in him. Things like respect and value come to mind.

    And how to show interest and tease? - Well dress sexilly. In the bed room at the very least, A little strip tease as you change for bed. Wear a short skirt or a tight top. Be available. Be adventurous. But also make him work for s**. Giving too much s** devalues s** and for men s** is a big thing so it has low value then men see that they have low value.

  • I've been sitting on this secret for over a week now. At first I wanted to rage at him, and her too. But, now as a little time has passed I have mellowed. It's not that I am not mad, and beyond hurt, but I agree with you that coming at him/them hard might make them defensive. I am scared to find myself as even more of an outsider than they have already made me feel. I feel betrayed beyond words.

    I do see what you're saying, and I have googled the main reasons husband's stray. And one of the biggest is that they don't feel desired by their wife, and they don't feel appreciated. I am self aware enough to see that this is probably the case between my husband and I. I am just so scared he wants her more than me. I am so scared I don't even know what step to take next.

  • Most women think they would be gone in an instant if they ever caught their man cheating. But the women who actually go through it are often surprised by their own reactions. Some of them lose all faith in the relationship and leave, but some realize that it's not as much of a dealbreaker as they thought. The hard truths are these: this has probably been going on longer than you thought, and he will likely cheat again even if he manages to abstain for a while. She may be trying to steal him, or it may be just s**, or it might be just the excitement of doing something forbidden. There is no way to know for sure without confronting them. You need to do some major soul searching and figure out how you really feel about it (not how you think you're supposed to feel, but how you REALLY feel) so you can decide whether to continue the relationship, whether to confront them, and how to confront them. If their relationship is for the excitement of sneaking, it will die once you expose it. If it is just for s**, I doubt your husband would throw away a 17 year marriage for it. If they are emotionally intimate, that is the real threat.

  • I'd be s******* someone else aswell and tell him about it. But not before I tell him calmly, that I knew about his affair and thought I'd hive him, a taste of his own medicine! If he feels hurt and betrayed by it, then he'd understand, how his wife feels!!

  • My best friend has been around for quite a long while. Although I can't rule it out, I don't think she's trying to necessarily take him away from me. But that doesn't make what they've done (and are still technically doing) ok. I feel betrayed, hurt, sad, and heartbroken. But not so much about the actual sexual act(s), but more the sneaking, lies and the fact that it's my closest friend. I almost would have preferred that he came to me to tell me he wanted to have a physical relationship with another woman. The emotional aspect is probably what scares me most. They are close. We are all close (or were). I want to keep him. I don't know who I am without him. I need him.

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