Step daughter

My step daughter I've known since she was since she was 10, She used to view me as a step dad. When she turned 15 she refused to speak to me, never acknowledges my birthday or wish me merry Christmas or fathers day. She will go out of her way to not speak to me. If I have the car key and she needs something in the car, she will ask her mom to ask me for the key. My wife thinks its because she is shy, I call bull****. She avoids me in the house, never even tried to connect with me. She used to accept me but now rejects me as a step father. She has quit school sits home all day and does nothing. She resents me and her mom that we took her away from her friends and life in the Philippines.

She is so indifferent to me if I was to pass away I doubt she would attend my funeral. I feel so hurt and resentful that I've gone through so much to provide for her but I get treated like a nobody.

She will be 18 in a few months and hasn't even attempted to go back to school, get her ged, get a job nothing. She has no motivation, no ambition, no goals. She won't listen to anybody. Everything we say falls on deaf ears like we are talking to the wall.

I gave the wife an ultimatum, she goes to school, gets or ged or I'm out.


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  • She don't go to school because the culture is different. Any time a child lives in American up into her teens then is moved back to some foreign country its hard. The kids at school make fun of her oh there's goes miss America, look at her she thinks she is better than us , and at the moment the last couple years people in foreign country look down on Americans because of all the wars. They don't see it but teenagers in school have no problems making sure to put things in another persons face. If i was her dad i would buy her a really nice car so she could have a little independence of her own to come and go as she wants. It won't be immediate but the little bit of freedom will bring her back down to reality. She will love to feeling of independence that her car gives her and as much as she will try to not to show gratitude towards her step father. Every time she gets in the car to go somewhere she will think about it eventually she will be so happy that he did this for her that she will come around it takes time its a shock for a teenager to be uprooted and moved out of her comfort zone. Then on top of that if she wants to go anywhere she has to rely on MOm or Dad to drive her. A total nightmare for any teenage girl. The car key situation is a dead give away. Going to her mom to ask her mom to ask her step dad for the car key is her way of crying out for her own independence but her step dad is so into himself that he fails to see or refuses to examine her situation. Sometimes people need to look at how others are affected by the decisions they make. They destroyed her dreams caused her to lose her vision. she will commit suicide at some point. She is in a downward spiral and falling deep. Her step Dad only resolve is ok well if she is not going to school then am out of here. what a stupid example he is making with that stupid stunt. I'd love to give him one good beat down i tell you some people just know how to wreck a teenager's life.

  • Sounds like she might be depressed, or have underlying issues. Either her mom need to sit down with her and talk with her, or she needs to talk to a councillor.

  • You should have eaten her and made her c u m when she was 10

  • I've gotten to the point of getting ready to leave

  • Sorry but you need to be a little more understanding. You not only took her away from her friends but pulled her out of her entire world. You removed her from her country and her culture. Its not easy making new friends just moving to a new school, imagine trying to make new friends moving to a different country. Did you ever consider she may have been being tormented in school and just couldn't take it anymore, and that's why she stopped going? There are a lot of factors at play here, you feeling sorry for yourself because she won't talk to you isn't helping. You may want to go to counseling as a family , find out what the real issues are before you just start making threats that she do this or that or you are leaving. She may pack your bags!

  • Something happened to her, guy. I mean somebody did something really awful to her about three years ago and it hasn't dawned on you once because all you think about is yourself and how she treats you. She's turned her back on something that is way too painful for her to confront, and she feels all alone with no one on her side. Go get your head out of your hind, whiner, and do some parenting.

  • That is exactly my thoughts or she had a boyfriend she really liked and by them moving. It forced her out of his life a guy she loved so she took it out on the first man around.

  • She's a teenager and she's mad at you. Aside from moving, did something else happen when she was 15? Is she addicted to something? Making sure that nothing else is at play here with regards to her behavior. Because although you want her to grow up, sometimes it's not always that easy. Remember you are her parent/step parent.. you're not there to be her friend. Sometimes kids don't know how to be vulnerable and ask for help. And maybe she has shut you out so much, she doesn't know how let go of the anger to let you back in. But you need to remain the adult and not stoop to her level and be angry at her. Be pleasant and say hello to her or whatever when you see her, go about your day and be totally normal. You are not mad at her, you're hurt by her actions. Do not let that get to you. Maybe say to her that if she'd like to talk, you are there for her. And when she's ready, she will. But yes, if she's living at home and refusing to go to school then she's going to have to work in order to pay her bills/rent. Do not enable this behavior. You and your wife, together, must sit her down and let her know your expectations for her when she turns 18. Let her know now, that when she turns 18 what is expected of her. So be clear what your bottom lines are. If she's not working or going to school - no cell phone, no car, no insurance, no health insurance.. She needs a reality wake up call. Your wife NEEDS to be onboard with this plan. It's as much to save your marriage, but really it's to save that girl's life. She needs to grow up. And one day, your relationship will be restored, it will just take some time.

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