Help me please...

Me and my gf have been together for two years my mom and gf get along well overall but lately. Things have been hectic in a sense of there's tension a few weeks ago my mom fought with my gf (verbally) I didn't take any sides but of course family is first . me not taking sides my gf got upset and. Caused arguments between me and her about family etc. Sometimes I feel like she jealous but other times I love my mom to. Death I am the head of household bring income support mental support etc. My mom was in a abusive relationshit with my father and is currently going through divorce she constantly has mental breakdowns we've been through it all from sleeping all of us in 1 bedroom apt. To no food to lights cut off to no holidays
etc. I'm over protective over my mom and love her dearly me working at chemical plants earning 1,500 weekly I bring in money and love family. All i want to do is come home and rest not see and feel tension between my gf and mom my mom works too but my gf has had trouble with job hunting I agree she's lazy not clean can spend hours sleeping my mom doesn't agree with that but when I touch base with my gf over her finding a job being clean etc not being lazy or being organized we end up fighting because she brings family in. My gf has rough patches before me she was raped by her ex etc . I took her in and took. Her away from her family that didnt care for her emotionally but ever since things heated up at the house with you gf and mom I'm thinking of. Breaking up with her or leaving her when I get home I don't get fed my clothes is dirty the room is a. Mess and there is dishes in the sink and I recognize my gf is a bit lazy and in fact she's asleep as I type this now.. what should I do

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  • If you are happy with this girl as is then don't give a s*** what they think. Your partner is first priority!!!!!!

  • You need to create some clear boundaries in your life and your relattionships. You are the son, not the father or husband. You should not be expected to take care of your mom financially. Your mom needs to find a job and support herself. If you are living under her roof, you can help to pay rent and a portion of the utilities should be fair, but you should not be taken advantage of. If your relationship with your gf is strong enough, maybe you two should find your own place on the condition that she either get help to treat what's wrong and/or she gets a job. Your gf sounds depressed which can explain why she sleeps a lot. As for cleaning the house, preparing food etc. If she's not working ..then yes that can something she does. But if she's working and contributing then the two of you can both clean and cook. Just saying it should be fair. Everyone who lives in the house should be responsible for cleaning and cooking. Although it is important to support your gf, your mom should not be meddling in your relationship. It's a tough call on this one. If they have an argument, be clear that it is between them to work it out and you will not take sides. The end result is that things to change now. Because what is happening now is not working. So what can be done to change things or compromise in order for everyone to live happily until you and your gf can move out?

  • You use periods to end a sentence, not split one in two.

  • Grow a spine and tell your girlfriend to get up off her lazy ass, clean the house and do the damn laundry if she doesn't have a job and is going to be home all day. She should have dinner waiting when you get home too. You need to push her to do things because she sounds like a big lazy sponge feeding off of you. If you can't get her to do her part then its time to get rid of her.

  • You can't please everyone I'm afraid, without sacrificing your own feelings and you shouldn't have to, for anyone.

    Your mother needs to stay out of your personal life, in regards to your girlfriend. If she doesn't, its going to cause more grief and a strain on your relationship with her. Tell her how you feel and set clear boundaries. Be diplomatic and delicate when addressing this topic with her and do it when it's just you and her alone together. Be assertive in an empathetic manner.

    In regards to your girlfriend, do the same with her. She needs to know, she can't interfere with your relationship with your mother and vise versa. Tell her how it makes you feel and if that doesn't work, she's not the right person for you.

    Maybe consider buying or renting a place of your own, if finances and personal circumstances would permit you to do so.

    You can still support your mother emotionally, from your own place. You don't need to live within the same home, to do that. I can understand why you do it, as I was in slightly similar circumstances when I was younger. You obviously have a strong bond with your mother, but your mother relies on you too much and in the long run, you may start to begrudge that.

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