Animal abuser, don't know what to do

It's been a few months but I still have urges and it's hard. No-one seems to get it either, there are people that'll justify animal or child abuse until they're blue in the face and those that say abusers deserve to die, sometimes they're both.

Got turned down by psychiatrist because apparently I'm not messed up enough. Feel like I don't have anywhere to go, feel like I can't tell anyone.
I've got a disgusting secret and feel no-one will love me and I'll never deserve it.
Is anyone else like me?

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  • At least youre trying to deal with your problem the ones that dont turn into some jeffery dalmer nonsense

  • Even the f****** grass communicates that its being destroyed to other grass that is what the fresh cut smell is

  • Practice having emapthy for s*** put yourself in others shoes this includes even small animals they have a capacity to feel pain and emotion and this shouldnt surprise anyone we share most of our dna with everything.

  • Thank you guys so much for being understanding, it means a lot to me.

    When it comes to our current dog it's been hitting, yanking her lead and intimidating her. I was a lot worse as a child and there were deaths...
    Not planning on being dishonest.

    I do not have kids, I mentioned kids because of the amount of people that justify "spanking" (hitting, abuse) and how hypocritical they can be when it comes to demonising others, though I was one of those people when it came to animal abuse.
    I've been treating my problem as intrusive thoughts and destructive urges perhaps akin to drinking and smoking (though functionally it's not the same) and I've been journaling like no#2 mentioned, I've been practicing CBT methods where I write about my thoughts and actions and I'm glad there are people that agree that I need to find healthy coping mechanisms. I think the the common response of anti-abuse bloggers and mental health bloggers of "How to not abuse; stop being entitled, stop making everything about you, stop complaining" has proven very detrimental and has actually enabled me in the past.

    I've had progression and regression before,but before I think just repressed,told myself never again,pretended everything was fine and didn't try to find healthy ways of behaving instead.I think its different this time.

  • Just to clarify, I am living with my parents and I think my mum legally owns our dog, I did try to convince my Mum not to buy her I haven't truthfully explained why but I'm scared. She did it without my and my Dad's consent and unfortunately this has also created a bit of resentment towards our dog from me.

    I did admit to Mum a very long time ago back when I trusted her, it was a very, very long time ago when I was little, but she's also seen me hit animals and has come back to many mysterious injuries and deaths,and like...I told her I couldn't deal with a dog????

    Truth be told I'm also a little scared of losing our dog, she loves me a lot and I think I learned a lot about being kind and patient from her, and I know a lot of people would treat her worse.

  • Is it sexual? Because I'm reading abuse as a blanket term. But there's support groups for this, of likeminded people who don't want to be like this. Unfortunately, if I'm correct in assuming... this is something you need to either hide or find an unspecific equivalent to bring to a medical professional. Even the sick and willing to seek help are treated terribly right now. If it's physical harm or violence, there are many anger management and sadistic tendency resources... I can't recommend any without knowing your location though.

  • You need anger management and domestic violence help. who has been bullying you? what is making you hate your kids and pets sweet weakness and the sweet vulnerable need for your caretaking and love? they only want to reward you with their love. so you need to deal with your self-loathing and control who has been bashing you or bullying you. is there a way you can contact the bully and tell them what they have caused you so much pain. try a church minister or priest and community groups and local hospital, tell them you have urges of harming others and its worrying you because you want to be in control.
    even an addiction group might help and journaling - what will I do when I feel this anger. I was a s** addict for a long time til i learnt to control and dob in my abusers and the bullies and get help from a good person. anger is a normal feeling but the last thing you need now if for your pets or kids to end up ownerless in shelters being put to sleep or foster homes with strangers. you need the love of those around you to help you through this. also, check out udemy.com free courses on anger management and antibullying and mindfulness and self-mastery. see anyone who can help a gym, a coach, a spiritual healer, a prostitute but do something so you learn to stop yourself. its like an alcoholic or druggy or food or s** addict with an illness, to stop yourself from a bad behaviour. look at what makes you anger, where when who why how of the feelings learn the triggers and set up controls of prevention. confront the person who hurt you and made you so angry.

  • This is kind of guilt inducing, and that's really not helpful for this person when they're knowingly seeking treatment.

  • Op here. Puhlease, I don't need to be coddled.

  • Are you abusing animals/pets or kids? look, the best thing you can do is except your human and you have anger and you're pushing away and taking anger out on loving kids or loving sweet pets that need your affection and caregiving to survive. I think the best thing you should do is go find a gym and exercise every day take out your anger on some weight lifting and learning self-discipline of martial arts about avoiding doing harm, think of how bad you feel everytime you harm your kids or pets, and you want them to love you not hate you. the worst thing that could happen is them being taken from you or you killing them, which there is no justification for you to kill your kids or pets and you don't want to be that out of control of yourself. you want to have self-respect and self-control, so when the emotions come up call a free counselling crisis line like lifeline or domestic abuse and talk to them. go to an addiction self-help group, the best thing is you have said you have these feelings and your lashing out and you want to stop and you know what most humans have been there. you need to get a hold of what is causing your anger and go take it out on the sports or dancing at a drug and alcohol-free church dance on a meetup. I am telling you to imagine how bad you will feel if you injured your kids or pets to the point they needed surgery that cost a lot of money and police charged you with domestic violence and animal abuse. try a crisis line chat or call when anger comes up. don't loose those that love you.

  • What do you mean you got "turned down by a psychiatrist?" Go find a real one.

  • Saw GP, asked to be referred to phychiatrist, got assessed, got prescribed pills and given f*** all else. Phoned the assessment center, got a condescending lecture about how "proffessional and highly trained" the assessor was.
    Saw GP, asked to get referred to phsychiatrist, said I had to go through the assessment center.

    I will try to find anything else I can,I'm in a country where public health is mainstream and private practices can be ridiculously expensive, and quack if you're not careful, since public health is mainstream we don't constantly have health insurance. Though if I did I think my health insurance payments would be racked up pretty high by now.

  • It also doesn't help that I feel humiliated and used, but I'll find something.

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