Account Login
Mean Comments
I've been helping a friend who recently moved back to my area for mental health treatment. We've known each other for a few years now and she's in a difficult time right now so I want to help her. I've helped her find an apartment, furniture, let her stay at my home, doing my best to help her when she has anxiety, and staying up with her when she can't sleep. It's hard though, I'm also going through treatment for my physical health and mental well being so I don't want her to feel like she's alone in this. She can be really nice and she helps me around the house sometimes. But there have been times when shes been passive aggressive, or just been really mean. It's rarely directly at me, usually she'll say something about me to my husband. At one point my marriage was in a rough patch and she told my husband maybe I wanted him to hit me. Another time she said my problems are not as serious as hers and I shouldn't act like it. Then last night we were watching a movie she wanted to watch with a women being assaulted and I started to feel a lot of anxiety and my husband suggested we watch something else. We picked something else and I left for a few minutes to calm down. My husband tried to apologize to her and explained why I couldn't watch it. But she was mad, saying that she's been assaulted before and it wasn't a big deal. Then said I guess we just handle our assaults differently and blew him off. I don't pretend to know exactly what she's going through, I will never act like I know how she feels. But she makes me feel belittled, like my problems don't matter, and that when I'm scared I'm being childish. Like I'm beneath her. I know this is long, I just feel angry and hurt. I've done everything I can to help her, but I feel like I don't mean anything to her.
I went through this when out of the blue I get a text from my exwife saying she was getting evicted from her apartment , her live in boyfriend had moved out and she had lost her job. I paid her back rent so she could stay in her apartment, then found out she was abusing Xanex, which was prescribed .She was battling depression to the point of not getting out of bed all day and wasn't eating , had lost 30 pounds, she only weighed 94lbs at this point. It was a long battle to get her into a hospital to get her the help she needed with her family refusing to help at all. After a year of paying all her bills , getting her help with her mental health and even fixing her car so she could go back to work, once she was back on her feet she blamed me for all her issues.Even bringing up things that happened twenty years ago that I hadn't even remembered and still don't know if they were just made up in her head. Long story short we haven't talked in three years, last month she texted me this long text about her medical problems and that she lost her job, how she has no one to turn to and really misses talking to me. I found out she is going through the same mental problems again as well. It was hard to ignore her text as we have a child together and I don't like that he has to see his mother in this situation but I can't go through this with her again. It effected me mentally and was physically draining and cost me thousands of dollars as well as my relationship with my then girlfriend. To the OP, you need to get her out of your house . You won't be able to deal with your issues while trying to heal her . She will ** with anything that makes you happy including your marriage she needs tough love at this point , get her out you have done enough.
She's ruining your home life, relationship with your husband and shed exasperating your poor health. If you located and arranged a new home for her, why isn't she living there already? No offense, but your so-called friend is an emotional, psychological and physical drain on you. You need to focus on yourself and stop enabling her, you won't get any thanks for it in the future! **, you aren't getting any now, not that you appear to be helping her, for those reasons. However, genuine actions and gestures of appreciation, would be nice for you to receive from her.
^Agreed. Helping someone is great and kind of you. And I'm sure your friend appreciates it so much, but may not be able to properly tell you. Do not let your kindness get trampled on. It's okay to have boundaries and be clear with your friend exactly what those are. It's okay to say no to her or tell her that what she said or what she is doing is not okay. You are not beneath her or above her. You are a friend who is doing her best to help her. And you have your own life, family, feelings, health and happiness to maintain. And also with helping her, try not to keep score. I have a friend who was diagnosed with bipolar with hallucinations later in life (her 30's) and it was so challenging. It's a different situation then what you're going through. But I get how you want to help and how you feel a bit empty at the end of the day. I agree with the commenter above - It may be time for your friend to go to the house that you have set up for her. It time for the both of you. And instead of letting your friend stay with you, maybe you can arrange to just meet up with her at her new place or out in public. She needs to continue to see her doctor and you need to figure out how to be her friend without feeling compromised.
She’s a ** kick her out