I'm addicted to eating, and I can't stop

I used to be a slim “normal” girl, but now I’m nearing 600lbs

Several years ago when I was at University I met another girl and something seemed to kick off between us. Up until this point I had never questioned my sexuality, but having just split up with my boyfriend (he went to a different uni, so a distance thing…) I somehow ended up exploring this side of myself. Needless to say, we ended up as a couple and things started going great. Sometime after we started being sexual, she confessed to me that she thought larger women were sexy (we had just got back from a Holiday to Greece and I had put on a couple of extra pounds), at first it kind of took me by shock, but at the same time, what girl wouldn’t love being with someone who didn’t care if they gained a few pounds accidently? I mean after all… it’s the dream to not have to worry about what we eat right?

Anyway, after this I changed my behaviour a bit, I stopped caring about what I ate as much, and indulged more, and my girlfriend would also be there to encourage me to eat a little more, or she’d bring extra treats for studying etc. At first I didn’t really care about my weight that much, I knew I was gaining it, but it was more for her than me, I didn’t ever think much of it. It started with the harmless couple of extra portions, more cookies, the odd pound or two gained, but soon it became sexual, and she made it that s** and food kind of became one thing…. Anyway, to stop this getting to long, I ballooned up, and by the end of my 4 years of University, I had put on over 200lbs… going from 130-something lbs to over 350 at my graduation.
I don’t think even then I realised how dramatic of a change that was, all I knew was that I had this crazy amazing woman who loved every inch of me, and I had become addicted to her, and food… and everything that came with it. We moved in together after Uni and my weight continued to balloon, at first not too fast as we both got jobs etc, but then slowly as I crept over 400+lbs I lost my job. Instead of getting another she encouraged me to take some time, maybe look at stuff I could work at home, basically losing my job and staying at home accelerated things dramatically.

Needless to say, I didn’t find a job, and instead I…or..she? she made me stupidly lazy and I just spent most days stuffing my face on the couch. I basically eat non-stop throughout the day, and she encourages it. Sometimes she’ll order me food from work which will arrive at lunch time, and she’ll always bring back McDonalds or KFC on the way home each night. I’ve become so addicted to food, it’s basically my entire life, and I’m so dependent on it.

So now I’m here, in the 500-600lb region in my late 20s. Just walking around my house, getting up from the sofa, etc is exhausting. And I’m majorly conflicted… on one hand, I’ve become so addicted to food, and just not having to do anything that part of me in content… but on the other I’m quite scared of how far I’ve let myself go… I’m very dependent on my girlfriend, and I’m not even in my 30’s… I honestly don’t feel I have the willpower to stop myself from eating. When I’ve voiced my concerns to my girlfriend and said I want to try and lose a bit of weight, or change our lifestyle a little, she just teases me and tells me how hopeless I’d be at that… If I try to make any attempt to eat less she just sabotages it by surrounding me with all my favourite foods, and all it does if anything is make me eat more for the next week or so, making me gain more… My girlfriend is still as fit as the day we met, one of my thighs is bigger than her waist and my upper arm is bigger than the size of her thigh…

I feel lost, I’m addicted to food and my girlfriend keeps buying and feeding me as much as I can possibly want… but I’m scared what’s going to happen if I keep living like I am… where will it stop? Any attempt I make to try and cut down she sabotages it and manipulates me to eat more. Is this abusive behaviour? I just feel really lonely as I kind of only have her in my life now. My family hate how I’ve let myself go, and the fact I’m in a lesbian relationship, so we don’t talk much, and I don’t really get out anymore because I’m so unfit and quite large.

Sorry this is so long. I’ve never wrote about this before, so it probably sounds disjointed or weird.

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  • Sounds like a feeder version of "Dear Playboy". Nice try, basement dwelling boy.

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