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In my own world
People would say i am on my own world or that i am stupid . I get used to it so much that i can't feel anything . The only thing i like to do is to sit with closed eyes and doing nothing . I like to see my interior self . I like to live in my mind and thinking i fly up to the sky . I like to hear angelic voices and thinking that i fly to the sky . People from here told me to die because they misunderstand me for ** but i didn't feel nothing . Don't worry i want to die anyway but not for the reason you want me to die . Maybe if i was just disappear while sleeping and disappear from the world and people's memory who know me like i had never born . I feel like i am nothing and can't do anything about it than just accept it but i don't know if i ever accept tha fact that i feel i am nothing and other people seem to me like they are something . Tell me egoistic and jealous someone told this to me , i know i am but i don't feel nothing for this either. I kinda understand why some people end up doing drugs or alcohol. They want to get away from the world and from themselves too .
Sweetie try to understand that alcohol DOES NOT give you happiness . You think you feel good but in reality you are just dizzy . It's like drugs when you first take them you feel great and then you end up having depression . You already have depression . I can understand it . And not only in theory . I feel depressed and empty and hating myself most of the time everyday . But alcohol makes you worse and ruins your health . I know you don't care about yourself but you are a soul in the world and you matter . I am not saying these words so you think i am a good person . This is the truth . And because of your ** mother and stupid pastor and ** in youth group you fail to see the truth . And the truth is you have value and you don't make bad choices . What are the bad choices you have done anyway ? For defending yourself over the ** in youth group ? For not wanting to get smacked so you react ? You are only 13 for god sake what bad choices you could possible done ? You are still a kid .
You stay in your house and your school all day . You have life in front of you. Your mother the only thing she wants you to do is to be kind hypocritically and don't express your feelings . Tell me these are good choices to you ? Absolutely not . And it's sad that your hypocrite mother convinces you so much to not do anything ''bad'' or that you are a bad person but you are not . And the fact that she wants you to have manners that's ** . In that way she treats you she makes worse with more anger not a good person . And remember you are not bad person . Hugs angel sweetie .
But I realy need it mommy and mom said lunch is at 2.30 mommy and im realy tired mommy off studieing and then mom said go spank me aftet lunch mommy and have my tablets that take on my mom and other ones mom takes mommy and took few before mommy and make me relax mommy and i dont get dizzy mommy with drink or tablet mommy and sneak drink when mom in neighbours or goes too put clothes out and she never notices mommy and theres lots and lots off drink anyway mommy and she never sees me mommy anyway. Im ok too drink mommy and thats why i told you i will stay up till like realy late like you mommy and drink and can not go school ever ever again like youth group and church mommy and please mommy you realy would not just not let me drink mommy please no mommy cause its make me forget bad things and not even be sad sometimes for my daddy mommy. Im good at finding things mommy and dont think bold mommy but you would have let me drink mommy cause i think i can feel realy angry mommy. Im sorry for being mean mommy and im realy confused mommy. Your realy kind mommy and wish you were here mommy and hold me mommy. Your my real mommy and love you mommy im your baby girl mommy and dont go mommy and please text back mommy xxxxxx
Hi sweetie. These tables you get if i understood right are pills sweetie ? If theses tables relaxing you then you can stop the alcohol . I prefer to hate me sweetie than continue to drink alcohol . It's for own good . I know really well how alcohol makes you feel sweetie but if you take psychopharmaceuticals pills then don't drink alcohol too . You are still develop and alcohol in mixing with pills will ruin this development . You are addicted sweetie and you have to stop immediatly . I am not yelling you i just tell you stop alcohol . And because your mother doesn't know it's not the point . The point is to stop it . You must not drink not even wine . What to do you want ? End up in hospital with illness ? Please sweetie think maturity . You are a darling and you have to care your body in this age .
Even if you are not dizzy after the alcohol when enter inside you still continue to ruin your body . And vodka is hard drink it burns you inside . I know it cause i drunk once too . But now i don't drink . Sweetie please stop the alcohol .
And i said you are not mean person sweetie . You just have depression and when someone have depression is guilty and wants to forget and easily is addicted to alcohol or drugs . Read about depression sweetie . And get some help and speak to someone .
Im sorry mommy and im your baby girl xxxxxx
Were are you mommy and need you mommy. Im just finish studieing mommy that mom made me do mommy and she smack my hands and ** and legs again mommy and its stings mommy. Its not fair mommy and dont care mommy cause shes going in too neighbours soon for talk and cup off tea mommy and im go too get more drink mommy and please mommy you realy cant not let me never drink mommy cause i need it mommy cause it does not make me dizzy mommy and does make it brtter and not feel sad mommy. Please mommy you cant mommy its not fair mommy and i dont want be bold mommy and make you mad mommy. But i probabley just sneak it on you mommy and you wont know mommy like mom never knows mommy and i realy need it anyway mommy. Im sorry mommy and miss you mommy and your my mommy and im your baby girl mommy. Mom said stupid pastor and stupid wife are come tomorrow mommy and hate them all mommy. Huggs you mommy xxxxxx
Im sorry mommy and mom said come down in 5 minutes for lunch and bring my brush and tak my skirt off mommy. Love you mommy and im your baby girl mommy xxxxxx have go mommy sorry