Random Thoughts

“I don’t believe in love until I met you”

When I was in high school, I wanted to find “a perfect guy”. A perfect guy that has money and handsome looks. That’s the only thing that I care about. Suddenly, reality hits me. I will never find that perfect guy.

I’m not beautiful like the other girls. I don’t know how to use make up. I’m jealous cause i can never be like them. The girls that everybody falls in love with. For me, there won’t be a guy that will notice me (and it’s true).

I never believe in love. There is no love in this f***** up world. It’s all fake. When I see that my friends have boyfriend or girlfriend, it gots me thinking if there’s love between them or not.

That day, I met you. I forgot how we knew each other. Later on, you become one of my friends. You are a really nice guy. I think many girls have a crush on you. I never think that I will be the same like the other girls. I’M HAVING A CRUSH ON YOU. For the first time, I really like a guy and I don’t care about his wealth or handsome looks (by the way you are handsome).

I always remembered the first time that we talked many things in a cafe. That day, I never thought that i will find someone that’s understand me.

It’s a weird feeling. I’m always happy when you are around. Little things like sitting next to you, eating lunch or dinner with you(there’s other friends) or just talking to you make me happy. Those are precious moments for me. Even if we meet only for five minutes, it’s enough to make my day better. I really like you but I know that you will never notice me.

I can’t confess to you about my feelings. I keep it as a secret even though there’s a few high school friends that know about it. My friends (I mean our friends) in college don’t know about this. I can’t tell them cause I’m scared that they will tell you. That’s why I only tell my high school friends cause they will never meet you.

You know what I don’t have any courage to tell you. You always think me as a friend (right?). I think you like other girl (I don’t know it’s true or not). If it’s true, you have to tell her (ok?). I know it will hurt my feelings but I will be happy if you are happy . I will be fine and you don’t have to worry about me. I’m just a silly girl that really like ( or is it love?) you and too damn scared to tell you about it.

In the end, I still don’t know is it love or not. But right now, i believe that love is real.

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