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I do things to push people away and I feel like I don’t even know when I’m acting sometimes to the max. I don’t know if I watched too much television as a kid and learned it from there or if I’m really just bored
It isn't the television, you could be suffering deeply from some kind of mental issue, it isn't your fault, seek help and try to help yourself more as well, you're a good person I'm sure, just try to get help
Mental illness at its finest, seek professional psychological help. It’s not a sham, you seem like you need it. You may have abandonment issues, even suffer from something known as Borderline Personality Disorder. I sense depression as well, which can lead to suicidal thoughts or even self harming. Please take care of yourself hun.