It isn't the television, you could be suffering deeply from some kind of mental issue, it isn't your fault, seek help and try to help yourself more as well, you're a good person I'm sure, just try to get help

Mental illness at its finest, seek professional psychological help. It’s not a sham, you seem like you need it. You may have abandonment issues, even suffer from something known as Borderline Personality Disorder. I sense depression as well, which can lead to suicidal thoughts or even self harming. Please take care of yourself hun.