Dear "Mom"

I hate you. I can barely gather up the energy to write this message and explain why, which shows how much you've put me through. I'm tired of the people around us enabling your obnoxious behavior. I'm tired of people telling me to "try harder" with you when you're the parent and I'm the child. For what? Because you're secretly more sensitive then you like to portray? Bullshit. All you've done is manipulated and preyed on their emotions by making them feel guilty, but that s*** won't work with me when I see the monster you are on a daily basis. F*** you and your victim mindset. F*** you and your inability to change while expecting it of others. I'm tired of being the mature one. I'm tired of how rude and dismissive you are. I'm tired of how judgmental you are to people you barely know, and how fake you are to their face. I'm tired of how self-centered and needy for attention you are. I'm tired of the way you try to compete with me when I'm not even thinking of you in that way. I'm tired of the way you come into the room and bring all your negativity with you. The room gets tense and secretive when you're around because we all know that no matter what we say, you'll take it as a personal attack because you're just so g****** insecure without the courage to face it. You critique us without warning and wonder why we distance ourselves from you. You wonder why no one likes to tell you things and you love to put the blame on others, but you never stop to take a good look at yourself and see that you are the problem. F*** you and your emotional abuse mom. I don't care if this, that, or the other happened to you. You've had 40+ years to work through your problems and instead you decided to be a vindictive, conniving b****.

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  • Be a sugar baby

  • Wow

  • Your first sentence explains it all. A lot of people that suffer from emotional trauma have a hard time putting their feelings into words. See it a lot. I hope you get out and get therapy. Your mom sounds like she could use therapy too.

  • You should join support groups for narc parents if you aren't already there's a forum on reddit that talks about this and it's helpful to know how to deal and cope and get past this

  • This sounds like my narc dad get out of there asap

  • I'm going to go against the mill here and say I know how you feel. Your mom sounds like a narcissist. It's okay to be angry but at some point, you need to decide to move on. For yourself.

  • One thing people have a hard time understanding is that you can't control the actions of others. You can only control your own actions. Your mother is the person she is, you can't change that. So either accept it, or move along.

  • Stupid people blame their problems on other people. You sound like a hateful, spiteful brat that takes no responsibility for your own behavior.

  • You try living with someone like that. In the end you give up because it just takes too much energy.

  • This comment makes no sense whatsoever. Me expressing anger and frustration over my mom's behavior and recognizing how it's not only affected me but the PEOPLE AROUND ME makes me stupid with a lack of taking responsibility? Lol o-kaay. Newsflash: If someone is abusive and creates a toxic environment, the people impacted by it have every right to be angry. It's a part of the healing process. But I'm not going to argue with ignorance.

  • The only thing I agree with is that you sound hateful but you did start the post saying 'I hate you' so it isn't saying much. Sounds like your mom put you through a lot.

  • Narcissistic mother's.
    So tough.
    Good luck.

    My mom totally controlled everything. Food. Clothes. Behaviour. Now I'm here.

  • This is my mom to a T. I always thought it was a reach calling her a narc because I'm not a doctor and it isn't diagnosed. Of course, narcs don't think anything is wrong with them so they won't ever get diagnosed. She definitely has narcissistic tendencies though and it's very telling that that is the first thing you say after reading this. I guess it takes a ACoNP to know one. Good luck to you, dear. You're not alone. - OP

  • My mom even when I was like 17 and 18 would each day select the clothes I was to wear. I wore a uniform to school but when I came home the clothes she'd selected would be laid out on my bed.

  • Thanks. I didn't know the word until I was about 30. She's not diagnosed and would never admit it. Everyone always told her how good she was. Because I've done well at school, never in trouble, if she were challenged, she'd point out how well I've turned out and get the person to agree it was all because of how well she parented.

  • In any case, I understand your situation and I'm sorry you had to go through that. It absolutely sucks. It makes you feel empty in a way because your living with someone who is self-serving and toxic, that you always seek love and validation from. A parent's job is to nurture and love their children -- not manipulate them because it's an attack on their ego. I hope you have a support system of people that DO believe you and who empathise with your situation. If I didn't have my significant other pointing out to me how wrong I was being treated and that I was being gaslighted, I would have never realised how drastic the situation really is. I thought I was crazy because she'd always twist situations around so I'd look bad and she wouldn't have to take any responsibility. I'm sure it's the same case for you. Hope you've found a way to cope and move on. Best wishes, dear. Blessings to you and your loved ones. - OP

  • My mom did the same thing! I remember she would cut my hair as punishment and made me wear a school uniform to a non-uniform school. I got bullied for it, of course. She would hit me, throw s*** at me, and call me names for no valid reason. Nowadays, she spews all her negative crap to everyone but HAS to be the center of attention. She will do anything to get it: scream, make obnoxious loud noise, announce her most mundane tasks looking for praise. If that fails, she will create drama by nitpicking and bullying while following her targets around. She doesn't care if it's negative or positive attention. She gets offended if you disagree with her over anything because she always has to be right. The worst part is that no one believes you outside the house and it enables their behaviour! I don't even recognise her when we have visitors because she puts on the fakest act only to gossip about them once they leave and the few people who have seen her ugly side, she guilts and manipulates them into thinking it's their fault. She wonders why we all act indifferent towards her but refuses to ever look at herself. Anyways, rant over. Sorry. It's just frustrating having to deal with it and have people invalidate me. I can't just "move on" because I have some health issues preventing me from moving out, but I'm working on it and am even starting therapy. It isn't a typical "My parents are so unfair" situation. My mom is legit a toxic person. - OP

  • Really sorry to hear of your frustrations and glad you can rant here. No point in ranting to others. They think my mom was the perfect parent.

  • Hitting hmm no punching or slapping in our house. It was the cane. The rod of correction. If we were out and I upset her she would say we will deal with that when we get home. Then she'd hit me with the cane. Or if I argued she'd get my father to do it. Both hurt like h***. This kept on until I got married at 23.

  • Wow. It sounds terrible. I'm really sorry to hear. So public.

    Oh yes hair. She always chose the style. Mind you your mom sounds so much more agressive than mine. So no screaming or grabbing and chopping hair. It was just she'd do my hair. I had to sit on the stool in the kitchen while she did it. She would not ask me what I'd like and ignore me if I asked. I would not get to see it until she was done and I'd go look in the mirror. In hindsight I think I was too compliant.

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