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Family conflict
Life just ** **. Seriously. So, I have a step-father (lets call him, jerry(not his real name)) and step-brother (lets call him dan(again not his real name)) so, dan ran away to his real mothers house, his parents have 50/50 custody, and she refuses to let jerry see his son. So their going to court or something, anywho. Today jerry askes if i had heard from dan, dan had sent me a text just over an hour earlier, but dan told me not to tell, so i lied and said no. But i feel like i should tell him i have... but Dan feels more like family than my 2 full-sisters do. I cant ask my 2 sisters what to do (ones 5 years older than me, the other is 10 years older(im 15 btw)) im just wondering what i should do...im in that stage of life where im thinking about college AND contantly thinking about how much money i have (i have things to pay for, my pet that i have to buy everything for (food, bedding, treats, toys, and other things(the food costs $18))) i have more responsibilities than most people my age (I help take care of children(2mo- 4yr)) and I have very bad anxiety and cry myself to sleep most nights or have really bad insomnia. I was supposed to start going to therapy about a year ago, still havent gone because 'it costs to much money' or 'your fine, your always smiling and squealing anyways!' They dont even realize when im faking because ive been doing it from a young age...anywho thanks to those who listened/read if you could leave some advice that would be great...
Hey. I had/have a similar situation as yours, except without the step-brother. Growing up, it was my older brother running away from the house and I had to cover for him while also playing a parent role to him and my two younger half-brothers. Parents were stuck in their own world and when they acknowledged us, they were emotionally abusive. It took being 21, firm and completely tearing down my emotional barrier for my step-dad to take me seriously when I told him how I was feeling (suicidal, depressed) and that I needed help, especially when I mentioned calling the Suicide Hotline multiple times. My mom still doesn't believe me, but she's a narcissist, so she doesn't care about anyone but herself.
My advice: Do what you feel is right. Tell your step-brother what is going on and perhaps ask him not to involve you because you can't handle the guilt and pressure. You're only 15, after all. That's a huge burden to carry. Whatever decision you make, when the truth comes out, someone won't be happy... but, when things cool down, they'll understand and you will all move on. As far as your responsibilities go... are you able to take something off your list? I'd like more details so I can know how to help you better. In regards to needing therapy... Therapy is expensive, so I can understand the money issues. At the same time, you need to really open up to your parent(s) about what's going on with you. Stop putting on a fake smile for the sake of being strong. You'll drive yourself crazy. Trust me. Tell them everything. Exactly what you put here about crying yourself to sleep almost every night and pretending to be happy. Tell them about the stress you're under. Don't be afraid to cry. Go as far as researching it yourself as it will further convince them how serious you are about it. When they see how serious you are, they will have no choice but to brainstorm a way to help you.