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When you're suicidal
How do you find it in yourself to make life goals? Even short term goals. I don't see the point in any of this.
How do you find it in yourself to make life goals? Even short term goals. I don't see the point in any of this.
I don't make goals. I just live in the moment.
If I make goals I just get angry or depressed about my inability to achieve them.
I went through a time of thinking I'll kill myself that will show them. But when I saw the reaction of others to other suicides they never do any self reflection. Suicide is a no no for talking about.
Then I wanted to kill myself because I was sick of feeling depressed. Just this continual mild depression with occasional deep anger or depression.
I started looking for a big cliff to jump off. I'd feel like ** and just drive to check out possible places. I'd call work and tell them I was sick or needing a day off. But I found I really liked these long drives. By the time I got anywhere I was feeling ok. Id buy a coffee and take a walk and gaze at the view. I'd look down and think about the fall. Then feeling refreshed I'd drive home.
Then I thought about why those deep anger and depression times and realised I felt super inadequate because my wife did not love me. She was always busy doing other **. Eventually I told her if she's not into me then I'm not going to chase after her any more.
Suddenly I felt so much better. I moved into another bed room. I contacted a few mates and realised I'd gotten into a space where I'd lost contact with my friends and that basically my friends were her friends. Now I am doing much more of my own stuff. I only go to her things if I actually want to.
Feel so much better.