My Cousin Meddled With Me 2xs!

Hi
I was 18 or 19 and he was 12 when this happened! I wanted to tell my husband about this so so bad but now I am completely changed, God has graced me for it. I am no no way the person I was before. Now I want to confess this even though thus is the past. They say its best to leave the past alone and i have. Living a better life for myself and my family of 1 teen son.

So let me get to the point. I have this 2nd cousin that was like a bad sheep of the family. He has 5 siblings (2 girls and 3 boys) and wss always the one giving his mom trouble. He even jumped off roof of a house they used to live in. I know that was crazy!

But anyway to speed things up, him and his family (4 since the oldest one had his own place) moved in with me and my mom (I was the babygirl since my siblings had their own place). So theyneeded a place to stay until my cousin get a house for the kids. So one night when everyone wss sleep, I go to get some water before I go back to bed.
Suddenly, he comes in and I'm like wgat are you dking up thus late? He asks me the same thing. Im like dont play with me.you shlujd be in bed.you have school tomorrow. Then he suddebly toucges me on my butt and i go dont do that. Then i go to bed but before i do, i chrck to see if he was sleep he was sitting up while his siblings were sleeping 2 in a bed.his mom was out with friends so she woukd sometimes slend the night at their house or come home. But she was gone. Anyway he for some reason toucges me and tried to get on top of me and im like wait stop! I go to another room and he follows me! Then he does it again tryinh to take something out and try to have s** with me. I rushed up and said stop! Then i go to bed. I wanted to tell his mom and my mom about it bust i wss scared of wgar they would have thinked. A 19 yr old being molested by a 12 yr old??? Wouldn't make any sense!

Another incident happened. I was going to the kitchen one night again and he comes in there where everybody wss sleep. I'm like you need to go to bed. Why are you still up? Then the next thing I know he got behind me and did something a***! How could I be so stupid tp be so vulnerable to a 12 yr old boy who asks a bit older? He had to be sexually active for sure.
The next day i felt so much shame and felt I can't be near him again. He saw me but didn't speak and acts as if everything was fine.

Then days passed and they finally moved out. Then we moved to another place and my cousin bring the kids (this time 3 - the oldest girl 17 at the time, the 2nd okdest girl and him now 13) over to see my mom, their aunt. She was gone so I was there. I was now 20. My cousins were in the kiving room talking and watching tv. I go in my room to sort out my jewelry and suddenly he comes in and asks what I was doing. Then he suddenly swipes my chest and I'm like stop it! Then he does it again. I tell him again then i get up and go into mu moms bedroom to get away from him. He comes in again and ask him what do you want?? He says nothing but grabs me and pulls my shorts abd it happebed again! After that j fekt so ashamed! How can alllow him to make me so vulnerable tp him? Maybe it was the game he played with me? The kind of deep voice he had as well? I fekt so sick sick sick for allowing this mess to happen!

Speed up and he and his mom came to see is after church and I gave him a hug and said hi ****! I had at the time forgotten about wgat happened. He was in his late 20s and I early 30s.

A year or so passed his mom, my 1st cousin called me and we talked then she told me he went to jail for something he didn't do but for hanging around the wrong people. I felt sorry for him. Then she said he wanted to get my number and she said she wanted to give me his number. So then she texted me his number and then he texted me first! So this is now I'm in my mid 30s. We finally chat over the phone and confessed what happened and I told him I regret it and he said he didnt. I'm like you liked me or something? Why me? he was like yes and it what I was wearing at the time and he liked what we did and he could not stop thinking about it. I'm like I hated it ever happened. I would have gotten in trouble! He texted me at times from there asking me for a pic of me after he sent me his. Not a bad pic but him with muscles as if he's been working out. I liked texting him. I even sent him money to pay his phone bill. That was crazy but at thr sake time, I was helping him out. He wanted a pic of my chest. I sent him fake one from the internet. I'm like I'm not sending him my real chest! It was a time where most of the texts were family-like. He sent me a pic of his little girl. I'm like awe she's beautiful. I didn't know you had a daughter. Then one time I was travelling with my family and got a text from him saying he's threatening to tell his family about what we did. I'm like why? Then he curses me out by text because he thought I ignored him. I'm like remember it's your fault too. Then he changed his mind.

Now that he is 31 years old. I see him on Facebook and he has spoken to me but not about the past. Just things like hey how are you. He does not text nor talk anymore. I feel even though I'm a married woman with a child and he's still locked up, should I just jusy confess this to my hubby or my mom or cousin or should I leave the past alone? Should I just cut him off from Facebook? I want to say something but dont want my family looking at me differently knowing that was the old me. I mean I admit I was beyond stupid back then for allowing this to happen. I don't want this to affect my hubby. But he know it was just the ugly past but will not believe it and think that is really crazy. I should have told my cousin and mom the first time he touched me. I never put my hands on him. He touched me. So we both were on the wrong, even though I still would have gotten in big trouble for this and not telling anyone. I am never ever feel the same way now I am stronger and wiser now. If he were to get out of jail now, I will be ok, especially if we both apologize for what we did. I would feel a bit better.

2 Comments

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  • Let me guess - African American family?

  • You need psychological help. You're obviously not moving on. You have serious problems with self-esteem and have a fatal weakness where this cousin is concerned. As part of your therapy you also need to work out how to tell your husband and your family what he did/does. This guy is dangerous. He was obviously "born bad." He's already in prison for something that doesn't involve you. There is moving on emotionally, and there is staying safe for the sake of yourself and your family. Don't leave this one to God. Trust me: God won't help you with this. Prayer won't help you with this. You need to act.

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