Stepfather Regret

I married a girl with a toddler, because I was so in love with her I figured I’d do anything in the world for her, and I really would have. I figured of course I can be a dad to her son I love her so much. But now about a year into the marriage and I’m ashamed to say this but I despise her child. I play my part well, disguise my true feelings as best I can but at the end of the day I view him as a burden and obstacle to my happiness. I love her so very much, but sadly loving the kid doesn’t come automatically with that, as I assumed it would. I want to do right by her, but I’m not sure what to do - she has no one else, no family no friends and we are in the military so she needs my help to keep her career. If I can’t watch him when she deploys she will get discharged and have nothing. Leaving would destroy all her hopes and dreams but a miserable stepfather part of a sustainably happy future for her and her child? I don’t think so. Only thing I can come up with right now is giving it more time and effort, and keep saving money so I can still help her if the worst case scenario happens.


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  • Toddler a boy or girl?

  • Honestly. You should have not gotten involved in the first place. I think your judgement is being clouded by your emotions. I think your reaction is natural for a lot of people who don't want to raise someone else's kid. You walked into her life problems. The make part of you that wants to help and protect this woman in need, needs to take a back seat.

    Tell her you're not happy and why. Can't start working on this until you're honest.

  • Its ok to not connect with her child and it is HER .Not everyone is meant to be a step parent and is able to build a relationship with the child. She shouldn't rely on or expect you to be a fill in for his father or to have you be left alone with him to care for him while she is deployed. The only thing you should have done was to be honest with yourself and her about your feelings towards him and not married her.

  • Are you also in the military?
    Being retired military you may to ensure her dependent care plan has a provision for someone to assist you when she deploys.

  • Tell her and be blunt about it. If it can't be worked out, leave. Life is far too short to be trapped in a bad situation with somebody else's mistake of a child.

  • Leaving wouldn’t kill her hopes and dreams. Women clinging to the idea that all they need is a man to make their dreams come true are afflicted by a parasitic sentimentality. Don’t let her emotional blackmail mess with your life.

  • 100%. She had some other guy's kid who is not in the picture. Unless he died, there's no reason for him not to be there. She had the child of a deadbeat. Now she wants someone who's not a deadbeat to help her.

  • You don’t love her sir

  • Just tell him everyday how you are not his dad,and will never love him like a father.

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